SUCK IT, CLEVELAND

Finally. The Red Sox have advanced in the postseason for the first time since 1824. Well, not that long ago, but it sure as hell feels like it. And against the hated Cleveland Indians, no less. Fuck you, Cleveland. If you're not down with your failure, then I got two words for ya…

The 23-9 nuclear shellacking the BoSox doled out to the Tribe made me a believer. The Sox could do no wrong after that. It was totally, utterly, and completely deserved. Why? Because I hate the Indians. More than any other team in baseball. I cannot stand them:

-They have yahoo fans. Fans that don't stick with their teams when they suck, but whoop it up loud when they're on top. (See also: Orlando Magic) The Indians toiled in mediocrity for years, and then they shelled out the dough to form an All-Star team. Suddenly, you can't go anywhere in Cleveland without seeing one of those ridiculous Chief Wahoo signs.

-They have a team of criminals and malcontents.

Anyone remember the lovable Albert Belle? The guy used to throw baseballs at reporters and once tried to run over trick or treaters. He's a churchgoer. Manny Ramirez (who had one hit in nearly 20 at bats) once got pulled over by a cop for speeding and two other traffic violations. When the cop the was writing a ticket, Manny pulled out, did a U-turn, and tried to get away. Hello? Are you a fucking moron? Wil Cordero is affectionately known as the wife-beater 'round these parts. I think it's cause he used to beat his wife or something like that. Big Bad Jim Thome, a giant of a man who likes to point his bat the opposing pitcher. Let us not forget about Roberto Alomar, who not only spit in the face of John Hirschbeck, an umpire, but then had the gall to blame Hirschbeck's agitation on the illness of his daughter. Classy.

-The Indians seem to think that they should win a World Series because it's entitled to them. If anyone is entitled to a fucking championship ring, it's the Red Sox or the Cubs. Once again: FUCK YOU, CLEVELAND.

-And the final factor in my hatred for Cleveland: my ex-girlfriend is originally from the Mistake on the Lake.