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I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
passion fades, and there had better  be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children,
they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof,to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more fucked up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends,
because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.