sick of those bastards who call and interupt your dinner? wanna piss them off? well as a former telephone harassment agent i have to say. the best way to piss them off is listen to there whole pitch, ask a bunch of questions and then tell them you're not intersted. but if you want to be a little more witty here are some funny things you can say. i found them in a text file called "18 things to say to telemarketers". if you have any funny things to say to them that aren't on this page. feel free to email them to me and i will add them to this list.
1. the police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to the coroner yet. can you call back a little later?
2. you called at the right time, buster. i'll order carloads of whatever you got just to restore my credit rating. those turkeys down at the bank go bananas over a little bounced check or two.
3. i'm sorrt, the taxi is at the door right now. we're heading off on a 90 day world cruise about the emporess of bermuda.
4. well, you'll have to send the stuff to my new address. as of next wednesday, it will be : care of the warden, maximum security wing, attica correction facility, attica, n.y.
5. what's that you say? speak up, please will you? the battery has run down on my hearing aid. louder, please, louder. is that the best you can do? i'm afraid we're just not communicating.
6. i'm afraid you have the wrong number. this is the funeral home or what we like to call a counseling chapel for the bereaved. visiting hours are from 2 to 5 and 7 to 10.
7. i'm just house sitting here, buddy. the owners won't be back for a couple months. you wouldn't have a good deal on off brand whiskeys and beer by the case, would you? maybe a little grass or snow?
8. too late pal. as of tommarow, uncle sam will take care of all of necessities. but you might try my drill instuctor at camp pendleton. in other words, tell it to the marines.
9. i'm gonna have to put you on hold. the baby is due any minute now. quick someone, get some hot water. lots of it. sorry, gotta hurry now, don't go away.
10. oh it's you again. i was hoping you'd call back. the better business people said i need more positive identification to file my complaint. now first let me have your name and telephone number. hello? hello?
11. well, if this ain't the living end. the furniture is out on the sidewalk; the sheriff's auction is about to begin and you want to sell me a freezer full of prime beed. keep talking. i can dream, can't i?
12. the number you have called is a working number like you wouldn't believe. let me make a counter proposal. how about the company of one of out swinging little ladies for an evening? our personalized dating service guarentess satisfaction, and we do take credit cards.
13. sorry to cut you off like this but uncle harry is choking on something.
14. the furnace just conked out, there's a foot of water in the basement and i nearly broke my neck on the kid's skate board getting to the phone. you wouldn't have a special on cyanide, would you?
15. you better talk to my wife when she gets back from reno. this place will be all hers then.
16. the dog just died and i'm so glad to have someone to talk to...
17. excuse me, this nice police officer here said that i should inform you that my phone is being tapped. now, what kind of drugs did you say you were selling?
18. you have reached the prosecuting attorney's office, if you hold on a minute, i'm SURE he'd like to talk to you.