It was a dark and stormy night, sometime in our future. No moon graced the sky of the doomed city where our story takes place. Bodies littered the streets, the sewers ran red with the blood of the dead. This night suicide pacts had been enacted. Desperate citizens who had not entered into such a pact looted and searched like animals for an appropriate instrument with which to bring about their own deaths. It was a night which would be remembered in history alongside the passover. Only a very courageous or very psychotic few remained untouched by the terror and mayhem that had engulfed the city (and surrounding regional areas). This was the night of ultimate pain and suffering. This was the night of the television premiere of... VARSITY BLUES....
An unfeasibly youthful Space Baron and his sidekick, Brian stood atop the transmitter of the channel 5 studio, their capes blowing in the storm. The lightning caused the elongated silhouette of the duo to flicker across the barren ground below. Channel 5 had been established by a super-genious super-villain named Rory, who from the outset, had planned this ungodly deed. For fifty years the national law of the country in question had prevented Varsity Blues from making the jump from cinema to video to TV, but now that that particular hurdle had been circumvented, Rory was free to inflict his horrendous torture on the still living population. The only hope this city had left was Space Baron (and Brian).
Luckily, Space Baron and Brian had developed a plan for just such a contingency. They planned to install a device atop the channel 5 transmitter that would distort the radio waves being sent out, thus transforming Varsity Blues into a far more tolerable show. However, Space Baron had naturally assumed that this evil deed would happen on a bright, sunny spring afternoon and not a dark, stormy, cold, wet night. The equipment he and Brian had designed would not work if it got wet.
"Quick Brian!" Space Baron commanded, "Hand me the super-futuristic-Space-Baron-anti-precipitation-moisture-sensitive-device-protection-machine."
"The wha..?" Brian looked up at the subject of his desires questioningly.
"The super-futuristic-Space-Baron-anti-precipitation-moisture-sensitive-device-protection-machine," SB said franticly, "I need it now!"
"I didn't bring it," Brian said, "It doesn't work in the wet."
"Bah!" Space Baron said eloquently, "Then hand me that umbrella."
Brian did as he was told and Space Baron set up the umbrella to shield the device from the rain. And not a moment too soon. It was just gone 9:30 (a revision of the rating on VB meant that it could not be shown any earlier), and Varsity Blues was about to begin.
Those people in their homes who had quite stupidly not commited suicide, and who quite stupidlier had actually switched their TV's on to channel 5 in time to see Varsity Blues, sat glued to their seats in fear. The hearts of these remaining few were beating so heavily that the whole city seemed to resonate with the sound as if one huge heart was beating. The crappy channel 5 is good promotiony-ad thing that comes on before most movies, ended, and an eerie silence ensued as all hearts skipped a beat. Space Baron and Brian atop the channel 5 transmitter held their breath. Now was the moment of truth... would the device work?
As if in a tranquil burst of relief, the theme song for the Brady Bunch echoed throughout the streets. People rejoiced and praised god and Space Baron, and yes, even Brian for the miracle that had occured. The device atop the channel 5 transmitter had transformed Varsity Blues into the far more tolerable, comparitively easy to endure, and just plain welcome 1970's show: The Brady Bunch.
Space Baron and Brian had saved the world again. Rory had been defeated, yet retained his media empire for future evil enterprises, thus ensuring that Space Baron and Brian would be challenged again...
YES, VARSITY BLUES WAS THAT BAD... WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?