"It's the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently!" Brian yelled as he brought the paper inside and showed it to Space Baron, "He's back, back from the dead!"
"Hmm..." Space Baron pondered the article carefully, "I guess you're right. He's back due to popular demand."
"Jimmeny Jillikers, Space Baron, you killed him with your Experimental Space Baron Guts Shredding Machine and then you took away his eyes and sewed them into your own sockets to replace your eyes which he destroyed," said Brian recapping on the previous encounter between Space Baron and his second cousin, twice removed, The Superbly Evil Dr Killpeoplviolently, "how can he be back from that?"
"It's popular demand I'm afraid Brian." Space Baron said, "If people demand it they will get it."
"Golly Gosh! So, If I were to die, I could come back to life again?" Brian asked.
"No," Space Baron was blunt, "It's popular demand, you aren't popular so you won't be demanded." Space Baron got up and switched off the TV (which had been on), "Well, I guess it's off to kill the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently again," he said.
"But why?" Brian was puzzled, "he hasn't done anything yet, he's just back from the dead."
"Don't care," was Space Baron's reply, "we've had some pretty crap episodes lately, you'll have to admit, and last time The Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently and I met, he made me look pretty ordinary. So I'm just going to kill him on principle and hope we get a good adventure out of it. Now go and warm up the Space Baron mobile while I see if I can track him down." Space Baron tossed Brian the keys to the SB Mobile and then went down to the Space Baron Cave.
Few people know that beneath the Space Baron household there is a Cave which functions much like the Bat-Cave once did, except it is smaller, looks more like a pantry, and has considerably less technology in it.
Space Baron sat down at the Space Baron People Finding Network Station, and proceeded to search for his arch-nemesis. He opened the white pages to 'K' sure in the knowledge that if the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently existed, he was sure to be listed under 'Killpeopleviolently." And sure enough, he was!
Minutes later the Space Baron Mobile screeched to a halt outside The Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently's secret lair.
"Prepare to Ignite the Space Baron Arson Bomb Brian," Space Baron said to his faithful sidekick as he jumped out of the car.
"Yowsers! You're not just going to burn his house without a confrontation are you?" Brian had been eager to see his idol in action and did not want this opportunity to go to waste.
"Surely you don't want me to give up the advantage of surprise Brian?" Space Baron said as he checked the names on the letters in the letterbox. "Aha!" He exclaimed triumphantly, "this is the place. Quick Brian, light the Space Baron Arson Bomb and pass it here."
Brian did as he was told and Space Baron put it in the letterbox, "Run!" he yelled as the two ducked behind the Space Baron Mobile.
The letterbox blew up spectacularly, sending spliners of wood up and down the street. Space Baron then leapt into action. "Quick Brian!" He said, "Hand me my Space Baron Door Destruction Device!"
Brian produced the gadget from wherever it was that he kept them all and handed it to Space Baron who disintegrated the front door to the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently's Lair to reveal a shapely young lady coming out to see what was going on.
"That's her.." Space Baron whispered to Brian, "That's the girl."
"What girl?" Brian was confused.
"At the end of every episode, the hero always get's the girl," Space Baron started, "at the end of this episode I have to get a girl, and I reckon that's her."
Brian, who openly, secretly lusted after Space Baron himself didn't like the idea and proceeded to use the Space Baron Door Destruction Device on the girl. "My finger slipped..." Was all he had to say when he met Space Baron's disapproving gaze.
Before any argument could follow, there was a huge crash as the roof of the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently's lair was knocked off and the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently escaped into space in a space ship.
"Quick Brian, to the Space Baron Space Cruiser!" said Space Baron as they jumped into the Space Baron Space Cruiser, which was conveniently parked nearby, and blasted off. They hurtled through space in hot pursuit of the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently.
"Y'know Brian," said Space Baron, "I've always thought this was my element."
Brian, feeling a bit sick replied "But we've never even been in space before Space Baron, how is it possible that you could always think that?"
"But don't you see Brian," Space Baron was in a philosophical mood, "At the start of my name is the word Space, it seems that this is what was originally meant to be. Don't you think it's a wee bit silly... no, just plain ridiculous, that a guy with such a non-earth setting sort of a name as 'Space Baron' spends all his time on earth operating out of a stupid little flat as his secret headquarters?"
"But what about me, Space Baron, What about me?" Brian said, "My name is very earthly, I need to be on solid ground, with gravity, and warmth and all that." he illustrated his point by turning green and vomiting as the Space Baron Space Cruiser's navigation system swerved around a small asteroid.
"No, I disagree," was Space Baron's reply, "Brian is a fairly boring, generic sort of a name which is equally fitting for just about any setting. Er, for a sidekick that is. Frankly, I think that that is why that name was chosen for you."
"Oh." Brian was understandably disappointed.
Just then the hailing frequency on the radio crackled to life: "This is James T. Kirk, captain of the USS enterprise. I come in peac..... Aaahrgh, Fuck!!! ...SHIT!!! ... Jesus Christ, I spilled my coffee in my lap.... !@%#^%&*%^@@*$#&(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Was the message.
"Blast!" yelled Space Baon. The computer in the Space Baron Space Cruiser was only capable of performing one task at a time and had lost track of the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently upon recipt of the message.
"Hello Kirk." Space Baron said, "I'm Space Baron and I've been chasing the Superbly Evil Dr Killpeopleviolently, but now he's gone. Anyway, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing much," Kirk Said, "To tell you the truth I am a little bit bored just now. We've wasted all the stories we can do with Kling-ons and everything else is just boring. Hey.... do you want to have a drag race?"
"You're on!" Space Baron was never one to refuse a challenge.
The Enterprise pulled up alongside the Space Baron Space Cruiser and they began to rev their engines.
"Ready..." said Kirk, "GO!"
And they were off, the Enterprise had a slight weight disadvantage, despite the fact it was in space, but still won the race easily.
"How fast did we go?" Brian asked.
Space Baron turned to his instrument panel, "They're nudging just a little bit over warp nine and we're just over six."
"WOW! Warp six!" Brian was excited.
"No," said Space Baron, "six kilometres an hour, now let's go back to earth. Oh, and next time, how about I build the space ship, at least I don't just stick wings on a Space Baron mobile."
"What about the Superbly evil Dr Killpeopleviolently?" asked Brian.
"Oh, don't you worry about him," Space Baron replied, "I have a feeling he'll be back, I mean he DID come back from being dead didn't he?"
"Yes I guess he did." Brian said as he kissed Space Baron in the long awaited development of that particular side of Brian's personality.
The End