Space Baron Episode #62

Yes fans, it's the world's first geographical Space Baron, it's:

SPACE BARON and the North Side

- By Bob

One warm Sunday afternoon Space Baron and Brian were sitting in the living room enjoying the mind-numbing charm of "Ten's Summer of Sport". As drag cars belted up and down a track, to the sound of a commentator trying valiantly to get excited, the phone unexpectedly rang.

"Ring ring, ring ring" it said. In fact it kept saying "ring, ring" until Brian picked it up.

The conversation which ensued was, to the ears of Space Baron, like this:
"Yes, this is the residence of Space Baron, esquire, how may I help you."
"No, I don't know what esquire means, do you?"
"What, they've kidnapped Princess Persephone?"
"You mean, it's Doctor Dastardly? My God!"
"Holy Bejesus!!! the Gap, but that's on..."
"..."
"..."
"The Northside!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thus the conversation ended.

Space Baron was most alarmed, the only reaction he could muster was:
"!!!!!!!!!"

"!!!!!!!!!" replied Brian. "It can't be done!!!!" he said, gradually regaining his composure.

"But think of Princess Persephone." said Space Baron.

"It's impossible," Brian insisted.

"Think of those long, smooth tanned legs, " Space Baron continued with a far away look in his eye, "those big, brown, boronial eyes; her heaving breast."

"Her complete disgust at the sight of you, the time she saw you naked and laughed so hard her lipstick was all over her forehead." retorted Brian nastily.

"Shutup, I don't care how disgusting it is; how flat, or smelly, or hilly, or lacking in a freeway, I don't care if we have to say names like Kedron or Narangba a thousand times over, I don't care if we have to eat at Bernies!!!!!!!!! we are going to rescue Princess Persephone : she must be rescued!!!!!!!!"

"OK!!!!!!!!!!!" said Brian, somewhat inexplicably.

So they crossed the river, and they took advantage of the riverside expressway, and they stopped at every light between Spring Hill and Gordon Park. And when they finally reached the hideout of Doctor Dastardly they were very hungry.
Very very hungry.

So they went to Bernies, which was conveniently located across the road from Doctor Dastardly's hideout.

As they came out of Bernies, food in hand, or at least in bag in hand Brian said, "We should eat this after we defeat Doctor Dastardly." And they crossed back over Gympie road or Lytton road or whatever it is and trod in some dog poo (I hope that gets past DMR censors) and everyhting smelt a bit like old wet carpet, as the north side does, and they knocked on Doctor Dastardly's door.

"Is anyone else bored?" asked Space Baron and punched Doctor Dastardly until he bled and rescued Princess Persephone, who kneed Space Baron in the balls (DMR?) six times before she finally got home safely to Sunnybank (on the Southside).

Was that too long?
Should I have made it longer and thus pretended I meant it?
Why is it so hard to get from G-H link to N block?

Find out all this and more in the next excessively verbose episode of...
SPACE BARON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!