Welcome To The Marketplace!!!
SOLD!!
Hey There! Are you looking for something to buy with your hard earned money? well, here
are all the things you can't live without, unless you don't know they exist! There are all
sorts of merchants offering their goods, ranging from self help books to hair toners. So
don't be shy, step right up and see if you can't find anything!
sorry, no C.O.D's, M.A.R.L.I.N's, or S.A.L.M.O.N.'s.
self help books
The Hibatchi dealer gitzu knife
Mr. Presidents hair Toner
The Jurassic Park Jogging Buddy
The Heckeran Lava lamp
Plumb Pits
zit mix
( note. in case you didnt notice, this page is meant as a joke. none of this stuff exists, ( at least we hope not) if you find some of this offensive, or think you have to flame people about their oppinions, turn back now. that said, enjoy!!)
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$ 3.99 each! a real deal! Contact [email protected] and be sure to say which Book(s) you want!
How To Cope With Stress
By Vincent van Gough
How To lead A Happy And Fullfilling Life
By Edgar Allan Poe
How To Make Friends
By
Dr. Victor Frankenstein
How To Make Friends, Or, What My Mother taught Me
By Sephiroth
How To Put Together A Balanced Diet
By Vlad Tepes, a.k.a. Dracula
How To Improve Your Love Life
By Jack The Ripper
Build Your Dream House In Three Days
By Pink Floyd
Wild life Preservation
By Rockerfella
My Green Thumb
By Acme Chemicals
How To Become A World Famous Superstar
By Some Guy You Never Heard Of
How To Lose 50 Pounds In a Week
By Rosanne
How To Prevent Foot Odor
By Al Bundy
Men are like Wall Paper. Their nice when you get them, But Lose Their Charm After You
Glue Them To The
wall.( and Other stories of how to find the perfect guy)
By Unknown
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The Hibatchy Dealer Gizuu Knife
$15.99 per order
Amazing, super limited time offer! a hibatchy dealer gitzuu knife! made of solidified easy cheese, this knife will cut through cans, cars, your mother in law, and the wind! never walk down an alley in fear again! never be a nervous wreck after those family reunions! don't be ashamed anymore when you leave an sbd, no one will be able to smell it if your knife is over a month old anyway! use only as directed. do not leave in a hot place to long. comes with a 1,000,000 year warrenty.*
e-mail now! slice'[email protected] and be sure to put " gimme a knife! " as the subject!
(* some restrictions, such as removal from box apply.)
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&nb sp; Mr. Presidents Hair toner
$19.95 per bottle
Are you tired of those horrible, black locks on your head? are you sick of waiting for
your head to get that cool, silvery taint on it's own? are you sick of your hair due? Then
order " Mr. Presidents" hair toner. turns those
healthy black locks into the same color and style our beloved Mr. Clinton has.
Now it's easy to be a hit at parties, no matter what kind! makes a great gift for the
little whife as well. also try Mr. Presidents Facial cream, when paired with this toner,
it makes you look like the most popular man in the country in no time!*
E-Mail us at [email protected]
* (We do Not take responsibility for lawsuits and Impeachments that may result from using our products.)
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The Jurassic Park Jogging Buddy
Raptor: $ 99.99
Spitter: $ 79.99
T-Rex: $ 299.99
" I really should do something about my gut, but... it's just no fun without a friend
to go jogging with me..."
Sound Familiar? well then, we have the answer to your problem! The Jurassic Park Jogging
Buddy! with the choice between the raptor buddy, the spitter buddy, and for the rich
man, the t-rex buddy,(each in life size of course!) it's easy to jog. just let your new
buddy out of it's cage, and start to jog! You'll Be amazed at how much faster and how long
you can run! In fact, with our jurassic park jogging buddies, you'll never want to stop
running!*
So Order today! Call 1-800-I-wan-nadie also ask about Our Jurassic park
Swimming buddies!
*(we Do not take any responcibility for injuries that may result from you'r buddy.)
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$ 1,000,000 per piece
This special lava lamp, previously owned and desighned by the ever feared Heckeran,
come in a fine glass box. made of cooled lava, the special diamond cycuitry alows it to
heat up to the melting pont of rock, using roughly 10,000,000 volts. the lamp then begins
to give off a romantic red glow, as it starts to melt. the perfect gift for an aniversery,
or a specail friends birthday. Keep away from children, flammable material, and object
whos melting point lies under that of stone.
Contact: [email protected],
and put lava lamp as the subject.
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Plumb Pits
$ 5.99 Per Jar,
$ 4.99 Per Glass
Does the following sound familiar? It's Thanksgiving, The Turkeys in the oven, the corn is all done, and the soup is cooking. there's just one more thing to do. get the pits out of those darn plumbs for the plumb pudding! if this sounded familiar, you know how nerve racking picking pits out of plumbs can be. but now there is an answer! Plumb Pits! in either a jar or glass, these pits are taken from quality plumbs all over the world, to give you the finest pits for your plumb pudding, or other plumb recepies. take advantage of our amazing offer now, to get two glasses for the price of three!
order at [email protected]
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Zit Mix
$10.99 per jar
" Oh No! I have a date tommorow! and there isn't a single zit on my face!
what should I do!?"
" Oh No! I have a date tommorow! and I have 1000 small zits in my face! what should I
do!?"
For a long time, this has been a major problem for teenagers, going on their first date.
either there are no zits at all, or their almost invisible. but now theres help. Zit mix,
the new cream from JUCK! industries. This product doesn't only give you small zits, like
some other brans, it gives you blackheads, and thumbtack sized zits! we're sure you'll be
unsatesfied with our product, or we'll give you whatever remains of your money after we
spend it back.
Order at [email protected]
( may cause minor side effects including, but not restricting to: burning sensations, loss
of conciousness, death, ect.)
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