Ali in da Sound Academy...
Booyakasha! Me 'as come 'ere to da Sound Academy coz me haz 'eard two fings wot make it sound well wicked -
Fing 1. Me's 'eard dat dere is some top-class punani fer da takin' in 'ere
Fing 2. Me mate Dave sez dat da place is heaving wiv bruvvers wot is always well up fer a ruck...
...wicked.
Hear me now! Me 'as left me Julie at 'ome
coz da Ipswich Ghetto is not da sort of place dat ya wanna bring
ya bitch along to, even if she is well ruff like me
Julie. Me 'as told 'er dat I is goin' to da Tesco, coz me is'erd
dat it is open 24 hours and never shuts - which is a bit like me
Julie's legs...
I'z got to da Sound Academy and I'z waz well gutted coz I fought me wud have to queue up wivva loada bottyboyz dat I woz looking well cooler than...
Luckily, me experiences in da Staines Ghetto 'az taught me wot to look for and I'z knew da bouncer from when da Staines Massif used to ruck wiv da East End Massif.
Me's noticed dat da bruvvers in't gotta queue to get in da Sound Academy, coz deyz just give da bouncer a little summat wot 'ee can toke on and 'ee getz 'em in da front of da queue...so when I give 'im me bag of skank, 'ee give me great respect an' letz me inda front of da queue an' sez I can 'ave free membership an' all, aye!
Junglist Posse, aye! Me's tried me luck wiv da ruff-looking punani at da till coz me was trying to get in fer cheap by telling 'er I was one of foze rank student bottyboyz...Me'z explained dat I was getting me education, across da nation...and in da station, but she din't show me no respect. I sez if she din't believe me, I could show 'er da marks I got when I woz caned at school, but she sez she din't want no-one in da Sound Academy if dey woz caned and dat me marks woulda been well low, anyway, so I shut me gob and paid up £7.00...well rank.
Me got
meself well up fer a ruck wiv dis spotty little geek wot told me
I 'ad to pay £1 squid to 'ang me jacket in da cloakroom...
..."Is it becoz I'ze is black?", I axed 'im, an 'ee sez dat it's not, so I sez "I'z din't shell £150 squids on dis so dat yous can hide it away in da cloakroom, aye!"
Downstairs, I fought dat me's could feel wot I 'ad been told was da "Sound Academy Vibe", but when I put me 'and in me back pocket, I'z realised dat it was me mobile 'phone vibratin' and it was me Julie. "Where is yous got to!!!", she is screamin' at me and I could tell dat she was well up fer a ruck - recognise! "Dere is no music dat loud in da Tesco!!!", she shout, so I tell 'er dat me mate Dave and me woz cruisin' to da Tesco in 'is "XRfree, aye" wot 'ee has jus put a new sub-woofer into. Me Julie sez "Oh", and 'angs up coz she know dat I is too cool to get meself caught art - Nuff Respect!
Me 'ad me a drink
at da bar and, although da Heiniken was da cheapest at £1.80/pint,
me's 'ad a Vodka & Red Bull to show dat I'z is a cool bruvver
wivva bit of class...aye!
After me drink, I was well up for da bogel and we woz boggelling for a couple of quality tunes before we realised dat there were no bruvvas in da Sound Academy...Dis struck me as being a bit wierd, coz we 'ad seen all da bruvvers trade a toke to get inda front odda queue, aye...
...Me'ze soon realised dat da Sound Academy is split into two bits, one wot da bottyboys go in, wot is downstairs, an' upstairs is da bit wot is for da bruvvers where dey goez to toke on dere spliff and get some punani wot can get jiggy wiv Mr Biggy...
Bo! Da Bottyboyz is too much like pussies to go upstairs, but I'ze went up coz I'ze iz also a boy in da hood, so I knew dat I'ze would get da respect, aye...
Da tunes dat is played upstairs is more 'ardcore dan wot they iz bogelling to downstairs, so me woz well at 'ome up der. I'ze got meself a good deal on nuther bag of skank wot I 'ad, but we'ze couldn't agree on a price an' got into a ruck when 'ee sez me Julie woz a rank whore, coz only I'ze can call me Julie a rank whore...
I'ze give 'im
a one inch punch like dat an' 'ee fell flat on 'iz back. I'ze woz
waitin' for da bouncers to run in an' haul me'z ass outta dere,
but they woz too busy tokin' on there spliffs in da back-room to
care dat there was a ruck goin' down...when da bruvvers realised
wot I'ze 'ad done, they all got up and hauled their butts outta
da room, coz they woz all well-packing it 
dat I might be up for a ruck wiv
all of dem at once...
<- Me, Ali, after I'ze 'ad scared 'em all off!
I'ze got me mate, Dave an' told 'im bout me ruck, which 'ee sez woz notting, coz ee's 'as killed somebody (but I'ze don't believe 'im, right?) an' we went to get us a bag of chips from Best Kebabs, where I woz told they woz done by Environmental 'Elf when dey found seven types of rat's piss in da cookers, which is well rank, but me'z chips were well tasty,,,
So what did I fink of da Sound Academy, den? I was well gutted to part wiv so much of me hard-earned skank-money. 7squid to get in, 1squid to stash me jacket, 3squid fer me vodka N Red Bull an' then I had to shell out £5 for me taxi back to me'ze digz coz me mate Dave 'az a lowered XRfree, aye an' 'ee knocked his big exhaust off doin' 80mph over a speed-bump....in Woolies' car park - respect!
Anyway, 'bout £15 an' I 'ad meself a good night art, got in a ruck and played it cool wiv loadsa top punani, even if most of dem looked like dey 'ad only jus come out of their momma's punanni da day before, aye!
Big shout out goin' to me mate Dave fer drivin' me'z to da Sound Academy in iz mota an' remember, Sound Academy - keep it real!
An' YOU! You, da spotty geek in da cloakroom, I'ze can't find me bag of skank since I give yous me jacket, so I'ze is well up for a ruck wiv yous next time!
