All I need are two words to express why I am better than you, and they are "Eight Inches", but I intend to prove this scientifically and conclusively.

Here are the results from the study which my loyal army of "Bitch monkeys" conducted.

Here is conclusive evidence that you are slightly less than 40% as big as me and an astounding 77% less cool. What more proof do you need? If you DO need more, here it is:

Nuff said.