Department of Gene Pool Management Sterilization List
Updated July 28th 1999
(1) All post-pubescent males that still indulge in pretending to shoot each other with imaginary automatic weaponry, complete with requisite sound effects.
(2) All women who wear socks and sneakers with their business suits.
(3) Anyone who still uses the phrase "If you can't find it, grind it."
(4) All marketing executives who think it's cute to purposely misspell the names of their products: "ie: Qwik-Dry Nail Hardener, and Dun-Rite Cleaners and Tailoring."
(4a) All marketing executives who still use the word "Extreme" or (see above) "Xtreme" to promote their product.
(5) Anyone who when asked for their phone number reponds with a tacky memory phrase such as "67 BALLS," "HACK 489," or "281-FROG"
(6) Anyone who wears magnetic jewelry in hopes of fooling people into thinking they were actually brave enough to have a permanent hole put in their bodies while they were conscious.
(7) Anyone over the age of twenty-five who persists in coloring their hair a shade (or multiple shades) that does not actually occur in nature.
(8) Anyone with a speaker component in their vehicle that comprises more than one fourth of the vehicle's gross weight.
(9) Anyone who attempts to quit smoking by (a) smoking a lighter brand of the same cigarette, or (b) discontinuing purchasing their own cigarettes but still smoking any they can get from friends and random passers-by.
(10) Anyone who urinates while standing up without having the courtesy to lift the seat.
(11) Anyone who dresses up in a Star Trek uniform for any purpose other than acting in a television program or film.
(12) Anyone who owns a vehicle for street driving purposes equipped with tires that extend beyond the body of that vehicle.
(12a) Anyone whose fingernails, purchased or personally grown, extend more than one inch past the end of their fingers.
(13) Anyone who brings a child under the age of thirteen to a pro-life rally or protest.
(14) Anyone who, within the first thirty minutes of meeting someone, attempts to explain why they're so much of a better person than they used to be.
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