In a less than shocking announcement from her secluded Orange County home, Liz made her engagement to intergalactic Casanova Mr. Nirgon Xaber-Leibowitz, of the jungle planet Xargon-5, public today.
"He's everything I've been looking for all these years," says starry-eyed Liz. "The men here on Earth are nice and all, but I've always needed something more. Nirgon was able to give me that, in the form of thousands of legs and interesting bodily secretions. I can see now that all my past marriages were just leading up to this. I'm finally truly happy."
Experts in these matters are curious about the compatibility of these two lovebirds. "Liz has been married so many times, and as far as we know Xaber-Leibowitz hasn't ever been hitched, despite a long string of love affairs. This, and the obvious differences in their reproductive genitalia, could cause friction in the marriage," states Dr. Barry Foonster, a famed marriage counselor. "However, these two are really in love, and I'm sure they'll find some way to make it work."
No wedding date has been set, but both would like to tie the knot sometime in the spring, when Xaber-Leibowitz' family will be safely out of their cocoons and able to fly under their own power to Beverly Hills, where the couple plans to hold the ceremony. Liz plans to use her full name at the altar, Ms. Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky. This is expected to add at least four hours to the already long service.
The happy pair plan to have a traditional Xargonian wedding, or as close to one as possible, considering the atmosphere of Earth and relative rarity of Wambeeno Blossoms, indigenous to Xargon-5. After the ceremony will come the Dance of Amorous Bodily Fluids, followed by punch and pie.
Some of the guests of honor at the "Wedding of the Millennium," as this reporter likes to call it, will be Michael Jackson, adorable child star Hayley Joel Osment, Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson), and Little Timmy Weinerbunker from down the street who sometimes mows Ms. Taylor's lawn for a quarter. This will truly be a star studded affair. Ms. Taylor will not, however, allow reporters and paparazzi, saying that they will "exploit us for the strangeness factor."
Mr. Xaber-Leibowitz declined to comment, except to say that both had full approval from their families, and that the 300-year age difference was "not an issue."
