Okay, here we go. This entire interview is false and it would be wise to disregard it completely. I never actually interviewed anyone. It’s meant for humorous purposes only. Now that that’s out of the way . . . ENJOY!
Leave It To Beaver was, at one point in history, America’s favorite show. Filmed in the 1950s and 1960s, it promoted a sense of family togetherness and love that is lacking in many of the new shows these days. I asked the cast from that show to join me for this interview. All but one, Hugh Beamont, who is dead, attended.
ME: Hi, everyone.
(BARBARA BILLINGSLY), Beaver’s mom: Well, hello there. Pleasant day, isn’t it?
ME: It is. Hello to the both of you.
(TONY DOW), Wally: Hello.
(JERRY MATHERS) as The Beaver: Hi, I’m h-happy to be here, on account-a I got nuthin’ to do.
ME: Why is that? Isn’t your career booming?
BEAV: No, ever since my voice changed, no one thinks I’m cute no more.
WALLY: Oh, Beaver! For cryin’ out loud! Quit yer belly-achin’!
BEAV: Shut up, Wally!
MOM: Now, boys, be good.
BEAV and WALLY: Yes, Mrs. Billingsly.
ME: Eh-hem . . . you guys haven’t changed a bit, have you?
WALLY: What’re ya talkin’ about? I think you’re loopy!
BEAV: Yeah, yer a creep! Just a mean ol’ creep!
MOM: Now, boys, be nice to Mr. Wilking. I think you should be thankful that he remembers you in the first place. Most people think you’re dead, Beaver.
BEAV: No foolin’?
ME: And you, Mr. Dow, people think you’re an entrepreneur in the adult film industry!
WALLY: Gollie! That’s keen!
BEAV: Sh-shut up Wally, ya creep!
WALLY: Oh, pipe it, Beaver!
MOM: Boys!
As you can see, this interview was a sham. I ran out of the room and watched from across the street until they left the building.