| Humor, Jokes, Etc. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Calvin & Hobbes Poems
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I made a big decision a little while ago.I don't remember | what it was, which prob'ly goes to show That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential Even though it often might appear inconsequential.I must have been distracted when I left my home because Left or right I'm sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray.And that is how I got to where I find myself today. --------------------------------------------------------- Explorers are we, intrepid and bold,Out in the wild, amongst wonders untold.Equipped with our wits, a map, and a snack,We're searching for fun and we're on the right track! My mother has eyes on the back of her head!I don't quite believe it, but that's what she said.She explained that she'd been so uniquely endowed To catch me when I did Things Not Allowed.I think she must also have eyes on her rear.I've noticed her hindsight is usually clear. At night my mind does not much care If what it thinks is here or there.It tells me stories it invents And makes up things that don't make sense.I don't know why it does this stuff.The real world seems quite weird enough. What if my bones were in a museum, Where aliens paid good money to see 'em?And suppose that they'd put me together all wrong,Sticking bones on to bones where they didn't belong!Imagine phalanges, pelvis, and spine Welded to mandibles that once had been mine! With each misassemblage, the error compounded,The aliens would draw back in terror, astounded! Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,The most hideous thing ever seen in creation! ----------------------------------------------------------
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Prank Phone Calls To Moe's in the SIMPSONS!!
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PHONE CALLS TO MOE'S (with replies when made) -Most of | the quotes are laid out as follows: -Episode number (Episode name) -Person calling and others listening in -How Moe calls for the person -If anybody in the bar responds, who said what (usually, everybody in the bar laughs, except in 8F08) -What Moe says when he realizes it's the crank caller -Moe's response to the caller 7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening) Bart with Lisa and MaggiePhone call for Al...Al Coholic... is there an Al Coholic here?Wait a minute...Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!Bart and Lisa laugh 7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening)Bart with Lisa and Maggie Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!Marge picks up the extension and hears:Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open! 7G03 (Homer's Odyssey)Bart with LisaUh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!Wait a minute...Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!Bart and Lisa laugh 7G06 (Moaning Lisa)Bart with LisaUh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!Oh, wait a minute... Jacques StrapIt's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!Bart laughs 7F11 (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish)Bart with LisaHey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!Oh, wait a minute...Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!Bart and Lisa laugh 7F15 (Principal Charming)Bart (in Principal Skinner's office)Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
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