ALIEN SHOPPING NETWORK

IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE ALIEN MESSAGE BOARD WE ARE PLEASED TO OFFER A NEW SERVICE FOR ALIENS EVERYWHERE

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COLLECTIBLE FECES: Join the fun of owning these delightful objects. Schitzoo DePooch's feces have long been the rage in Dimension 24 and now ASN is proud to introduce these classic works of art to you. Each piece is totally unique and has been personally signed by the artist. Run your fingers over the fine details and feel them come alive. Collect them. Trade them. Some aliens have even married them. Make your home complete with DePooch feces.
ITEM #F4375478 ASN Price 87.508Each
S & H 5.258



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DESKTOP SUPER MICRO BREWERY: Now you can experience the pleasure of freshly brewed beer at your fingertips. This incredibly tiny micro brewery is so small it could sit on the head of a pin, but you'll want to keep it on your desk to amaze your friends. You'll get: a fully equipped factory, 200 nanotech laborers (non-union), a microscopic supply of ingredients, 3000 itsy bitsy bottles, and a certified nanotech brew master.
ITEM #B83546779 ASN Price 895.998
S & H 9.25 8
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BRAINIAC COMPUTER: The knowledge of the universe and five dimensions at your tentacle tips. The Brainiac C3 computer features the Letni chip, 333 Chz (3 times the speed of light), infinite RAM, 82.3 GB Stiffy Drive, V.900 102KC Fax/Modem, and a really cool gray case with a racing stripe. The Brainiac computer is fully installed with tons of programs, such as the special WeeGee chat program that allows you to contact the dead (God is always available for chat). The entire unit runs on two AA human brains (included).
ITEM #C437658365 ASN Price 9050.008
(Monitor not included)
S & H 125.00 8 Extra Brains .25 8
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THE NIKFUT COMMEMORATIVE SAUCERS: INSANE ALIEN SERIES These exquisite polyurethane plates are issued as a limited edition and are expected to greatly increase in value. The Nikfut Anorexic Alien Series and the Nikfut Bedwetting Alien Series have already doubled their resale value, and this series will undoubtedly do the same. Start your collection with Ish Ganw Twe the alien that began a campaign to stop the expanding universe by building a wall around it. Then get Ralph Lauren Nozzlenose who shocked the galaxy with his designer mucus clothing line. Each saucer is individually numbered and comes with a certificate that guarantees that it's a saucer.
ITEM #S34907538 Ish Ganw Twe ASN Price 99.95 8
ITEM #S34907539 Ralph L. Nozzlenose ASN Price 99.95 8
S & H 5.25 8


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WANKERHORN RADAR CLOAKER: Tired of changing course because of those pesky radar installations? The Wankerhorn Cloaker will hide your spacecraft from any detection but still allow you to have a little fun with your flashing colored lights. Whether you're into abduction or cow mutilation, the Wankerhorn is perfect for sneaking up on your prey. Just mount it on your dashboard and fly, fly, fly.
ITEM #R46259604 ASN Price 102.35 8
S & H 10.45 8
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ALIEN MESSAGE BOARD TEE SHIRT: Due to the overwhelming response to the Alien Message Board, we are now offering these beautiful 23% cotton tee shirts so you can parade around giving us free advertising. To make matters even better, you're going to pay US for the tee shirt. That's right! We've completely reversed the natural order of things and you're going to give us money to advertise our service! You can choose the Totally Alien Shirt emblazened with the Ulbatorian secret of existence, "Life is like a purple Altair antelope on a field of tuna fish" (It loses something in the translation) OR, for use with your humanoid form, the simple, but elegent Human Shirt.
ITEM #T748903536 Alien Shirt ASN Price 19.95 8
ITEM #T748903537 Human Shirt ASN Price 9.95 8
S & H 42.60 8



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TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR SHOPPING NEEDS WE'VE INCLUDED OUR ENAHS 5000 CALCULATOR
ENAHS 5000
ORDER NOW!
THE ALIEN SHOPPING NETWORK TAKES ALL MAJOR ALIEN CREDIT CARDS
VISHNU, MASTER UNIVERSE, ALIEN EXPRESS, DISFUNCTIONAL
SIMPLY SEND YOUR ORDER, NAME, ADDRESS (BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR DIMENSION), AND CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO:
ALIEN SHOPPING NETWORK
YOUR ORDER WILL BE QUICKLY PROCESSED AND SENT OUT BY
OOPS PARCEL SERVICE
YOU CAN EXPECT DELIVERY WITHIN 4 TO 6 EONS



OUR CRACK STAFF OF HIGHLY TRAINED EMPLOYEES ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR ORDERS NOW!


"Hi! I'm Cathy and I can't wait to service you...hehehe"

THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT ASN!

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