" A Modern Woman's Guide to Understanding her Child...er Man"
 
 
 

MANSPEAK                       ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
---------                               -----------------
* You want.                       <==     I know what you should want.

* We need.                        <==     I want.

* It's your decision.            <==     I'm totally clueless, so you decide
                                                    and I'll just take half the credit.

* Do what you want.          <==     I'll just sit on the couch and sulk.

* We need to talk.              <==     I need to complain

* Sure,... go ahead             <==     I don't want you to, but I'll use this
                                                   next time we fight to show how
                                                   supportive I am.

* I'm hungry.                    <==     (a) Make me something to eat

                                                   (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape
                                                   together your last $$, go drive
                                                   to the supermarket, pick up enough
                                                   for my buddies and me, come back,
                                                   cook, and oh, while you're up get me
                                                   a beer... I don't care if what you
                                                   are doing is important.

* I'm not upset.                 <==     Of course I'm upset, but only a wuss
                                                   would admit it.

* You're,... so                   <==     Do you do laundry..cook..windows..bake?
  feminine.

* I'm feeling                      <==     There's no game on tonight.
  romantic tonight.

* I'm not emotional!           <==     I'm losing my hair.
  And I'm not over-
  reacting!

* Be romantic, turn            <==     Beer gut?  What beer gut...Ohh....uh..
  out the lights.

* This kitchen is so            <==     I can't see the tv from here.
 inconvenient.

* The car isn't running       <==     I want a bigger engine and more knobs to
  right.                                        play with.

* The dishwasher is           <==     I've run out of places to hide the dirty
  full.                                           dishes.

* The remote is broken.     <==     Come here wherever you are and change
                                                   the channel for me.

* My tools are obsolete.     <==     I can't figure out how to work the old
                                                   ones and the commercial says even a
                                                   chimp can use the new ones.

* I need new shoes            <==     The pair that I've had since high school
                                                   fell apart in the rain last week.

* I know where I am.        <==     Oh God!  Where the *$^#@! am I?!

* Want to snuggle?            <==     I noticed you were almost asleep.

* Do you love me?            <==     I've done something stupid and you might
                                                   find out.

* Do you *really*              <==     I've done something stupid and you're
  love me?                                    going to find out sooner or later.

* How much do you love   <==     I've done something *really* stupid and
  me?                                           someone's on their way to tell you now.
 

 In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing                          <==     I'm in the middle of a fantasy.  Go
                                                   away.

* Everything                      <==     Some gorgeous 18 yr. old called me "Sir"

* Nothing, really                <==     It's just that I'm such an as**ole.

* I don't want to talk          <==     I'm impotent.
  about it.