1. If you think you're fat, you
probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat;
if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking
about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and
low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain
about having their boobs stared
at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle
hints don't work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, pissing standing up is
more difficult than peeing from point
blank range.
We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17
months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather
be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months
ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you don't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad and angry; we meant
the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look
at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't
want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do
something OR tell us how you want it
done-not both.
23. Christopher Columbus didn't
need directions, and neither do we.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like
sex.