All you get is Bob Dole standing on your porch, yelling, "HEY, you kids get off my lawn!"
System attempts to bait and trap burglars using a plate of Oreos and a fishing net.
The on-site security guard keeps stealing the covers.
The installation crew just dropped off Macaulay Culkin, three skateboards, tar, feathers, marbles, and several gallons of paint.
Voice recognition only responds when you get your Kissinger imitation *just* right.
Service includes "regular patrolling by Securo the Clown."
Eerily calm voice says, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Lipshitz."
Instead of a traditional alarm, your system plays old Journey songs at an uncomfortably loud volume.
Consists solely of a "Thou shalt not steal" sticker for your front door.
System automatically phones you when it detects your belongings are being auctioned off on eBay.
Every time you flush the toilet, FBI agents surround your house.
"Home security -- from the people who brought you Hotmail!"
System includes security cameras in your bedroom and bathroom and requires a high-speed connection to the Internet.
Although highly effective, the dingo
pit and lava-filled moat are a bitch to maintain.