How to Get Rid of Telemarketers
1.If they want
to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
Ask, "How long can I keep it?
Do I have to ever pay it back,
or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
2.If they start
out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?"
Or you can say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have
all these problems, my sciatica
is acting up,my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...."
When they get try to get back to
the sales process, just continue
on with telling about your problems.
3.If the person
says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him
to spell their name, then ask them
to spell the company name, then ask them where
it located. Continue asking them
personal questions or questions about their company
for as long as necessary.
4.This one
works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy
and I'm with Canter and Siegel
services.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause)
"Okay, (in a really husky voice)
what are you wearing?"
5.Crying out,
in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!!
Is this really you? Oh, my God!
Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will
give Judy a few brief moments of
terror as she tries to figure out where the heck
she could know you from.
6.Say, "No",
over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no,
and keep an even tempo even as
they're trying to speak. This is the most
fun if you can keep going until
they hang up.
7.If MCI calls
trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan,
reply, in a sinister a voice as
you can muster, "I don't have any friends...
would you be my friend?"
8.If they clean
rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about
goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken
blood too?"
9.Let the person
go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary
feedback in the form of an occasional
"Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating."
Finally, when they ask you to buy,
ask them to marry you. They get all flustered,
but just tell them you couldn't
give your credit card number to
someone who's a complete stranger.
10.Tell them
you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: "This is
Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!!
Hey I work for them too. Where
are you calling from?" Telemarketer:
"Uh,Dallas, Texas." You: "Great,
they have a group there too? How's business/the weather?
Too bad the company has a policy
against selling to employees! Oh well,see ya."
11.Answer the
phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer,
set the receiver down, shout or
scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
12.Tell the
Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their
phone number you will call them
back. If they say they are not allowed to
give out their number, then ask
them for their home number and tell them
you will call them at home (this
is usually the most effective method of
getting rid of Telemarketers).
If the person says, "Well, I don't really
want to get a call at home," say,
"Ya! Now you know how I feel smiling
of course... [If nothing else,
just thinking of this list the next time one calls
you, you may begin to laugh out
loud, which is sure to upset their concentration.