Jack

WALK BY FAITH

A first grade class was listening to the teacher who
was attempting to explain evolution to the children.

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy, do you see
the tree outside?
Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
Tommy: OK. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

Teacher: Did you see God?
Tommy: No.

Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there.
He doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed.

Little girl: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
Tommy: Yes.

Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time).

Little girl: Did you see the sky?
Tommy: Yessssss

Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
Tommy: Yes
Little Girl: Do you see her brain? Tommy: No

Little Girl: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she
must not have one.

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT II CORINTHIANS 4:18

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench. Suddenly
a man comes along, flings open his trench coat and
flashes them.

The first lady has a stroke.

The second lady has a stroke.

But the third lady doesn't 'cause her arms aren't long
enough.

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An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When
the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd
like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then
said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old.
What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in
the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's
orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

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A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby
camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?"

The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert,
our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."

Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have
these long eyelashes?"

They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips
through the desert," the mother said.

"Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?"

"They are there to help us store water for our long treks
across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long
periods of time."

"So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes
to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water."

"Yes dear," said the mother.

"So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?"

What does being drunk have to do with "three sheets
to the wind?"

The Answer:

There are some ways of describing the state of being
inebriated that just sound like what they depict, as in
"soused." Others are descriptive enough–-"tipsy," for
example. But this one is pretty cryptic. To understand it, you
would have to know that the expression is referring not to bed
linen drying out after the wash but to a part of the sails on
a ship.

In nautical talk, the sheet is the rope one uses to trim a
sail. When the sheet is hanging loose in the wind it also
means that the sail to which it s attached is free to be blown
here and there by the wind. A sheet in the wind thus suggests
the tipsy movements of someone who's has had too many drinks,
and three sheets in the wind describes a person who is
thoroughly blotto.

The largest incense stick ever made was almost fifteen-feet long
and six-inches thick. I bet it was made for religious purposes
because I imagine it must have stunk to high heavens.

Jackie Bibby holds the record for sitting in a bathtub with
the most live rattlesnakes. He sat in a tub with 35 of them.
As far as I'm concerned, he can keep this record and I'll
stick with bubbles in my bath.

<< Dallas Cowboy Humor

1. Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super
Bowl?

A. The Dallas Cowboys.

2. Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?

A. Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?

3. What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?..... A huddle

4. Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?..... The police

5. I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of
the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.

6. The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going
to take out artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on
"grass."

7. The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System".....'Yes, your Honor;
No,
your Honor.'

8. The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season last year.....12 arrests, 5
convictions.

9. The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they
hired a new defensive coordinator:...Johnny Cochran.

10. What's the difference between a Cowboys' fan and a baby?.....
Eventually the baby stops crying.

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread,
butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to
him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation:

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we
only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform them into croissants and sell them to the states."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources
Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what
starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year,
depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package
of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and
dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and
a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you
kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."