My position in the Order is enviable. Ha! That's right! Envy me! Plus my boyfriend is the cutest thing alive! ENVY ME! HAHAHAHAHA! Umm....Where was I? Honestly. I have the attention span of a rolling cricket. Oh! ENVY ME! I'm in charge of genetic engineering, I can force anyone except for the Emperor and Imperial Commander to wear their undershorts on their head for any reason at any time, I can randomly change meanings of words found in the dictionary, I can redecorate anyone's home without fear of retribution, I can choose to end a council session in order to party (YAAAY!) (subject to vote though), and, last but not least, I and the Chancellor of Corruption choose how drunk to get people during council meetings and what to spike the punch with. Oh, and did I mention that my boyfriend is the most perfectest thing alive? Envy me.

I also hold the position of Overlord of Asia, which, as far as I know, doesn't have penguins. This will be remedied. Also, I plan to introduce toast. As far as I know, there is no such thing as Russian Toast. This underlying lack of toast caused the downfall of the USSR. That's my theory anyway.

Now I would like to say something about cheese. I don't think Japan has cheese. This pisses me off. This will also be introduced, when I rule Asia. Seriously, Japan is a very superior country technology-wise (and probably in other things too) and yet they never developed cheese. I mean, I bet they have it now because it's been imported, and I bet a lot of people have built...uh...cheese factories in Japan, but shouldn't they have figured this out on their own? Come on.

Anyway, back to penguins. Penguin cruelty is a very important issue in our society, as demonstrated in the photograph below. Penguins are not too bright, and many people use this as an excuse to abuse them. I promise that when the Emperor comes into power and I take my postition as the Archchancellor of Insanity, the only one who will be hurting penguins is me, damnit.

I partially blame this horrible abuse of penguins on children. I mean, look at the expression on that kid's face! He's perfectly happy to take a swing at this poor defenseless penguin, who is barely cognizant of where he is, let alone the fact that he's about to be hit with a golf club. Children are a plague upon this earth, and it is our duty to get rid of most of them. Granted, we need many of the creatures for the continuation of humankind, but can't we just place them in a suspended animation chamber, link a computer to their brain to teach them, figure out some way to stimulate the muscles to keep them from atrophying, and let 'em grow in there? I'll have my disciples work on that...

If you wish to become my disciple, e-mail me and beg for permission. Your first assignment will be to bring me more alcohol. More, damnit!

Um, in conclusion...sheep. Yes. And, by the way, don't mind me, I was raised by wolves.