How you ask? How does one transform a harmless innocent squash into a Weapon of Mass Destruction? Do not be taken in by their deceptive appearance, they hold great power.

Recently, I have seen firsthand the power of nature unleashed upon a garden. It was horrifying. It was a sight to behold. It was, a zucchini.

My grandmother brought over a zucchini she had grown in her garden. It was nearly 2 feet long.
Now, for those of you who are not up on zucchini lore, this is not that huge for a zucchini. They get very, very big. But my 2 foot zucchini was enough to be a fearsome weapon. Can you imagine the implications?

-It is a dark alley, walking alone you see a dark shape step out of the shadows. He raises a 3 foot squash. "Give me all your money!".

-A thief creeps through an abandoned building, suddenly an alarm goes off, he panics and looks up into the face of the Veggie 2000 Home Defense System, before a giant pomegranate flies through the air and hits him directly in the face.
 

People, you hit someone with a three foot zucchini, they won't be moving for a while. Zucchini is scary even under normal conditions, but this...

Thus, I have decided to outfit all of my Imperial forces with vegetable weaponry.
Think of the possibilities! Throwing beets, turnip mortars, Nuclear Kiwi, etc... New weapons will be forged from the minds of men and the spirit of veggies.

Imagine the psychological effect in battle:

Imperial Soldier: Hands up! I've got a zucchini!
Enemy: What the...?
(Thunk. Squish.)
Imperial Soldier: Alright, anyone else?

The enemy will be demoralized! And of course, supplying the armies with food won't be a problem:

Commander: He's dead son, take his cucumber.
Soldier: But sir, shouldn't we bury him with it?
Commander: No time for luxuries private, we've got to get dinner.

Of course, the Imperial soldiers might not be to happy about this. That's why we need long range
weapons such as the:

-ICBS (Intercontinental Ballistic Squash): Devastating
missile capability able to land a pumpkin in your
enemy's back yard.

-SDB (Strategic Defense Broccoli): We need not fear enemy retaliation, if any vegetable approaches our airspace they'll be facing Space Broccoli flying at them at upwards of 200 MPH. Not a pretty sight.

-Beet Mines: Take one wrong step and you'll face a hail of flying root vegetables.
 

We must make sure that these secrets of Death Gardening do not fall into the wrong hands.
(Meaning: Anyone's hands but mine.)

Take care. You never know if a rogue cucumber might be hiding around the corner.