Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question.

Today's Column: When a friend is better off as an ex-friend.

 

Dear Chloe,

What's up with not being able to end unbearable friendships? Things can be going okay between friends and then after a while it just isn't worth it any more.

I have a particular friend who has been nagging me about the fact that I ignore him and he feels unloved by all his friends. He's sick and tired of being the initiator of activities and phone calls. I really couldn't care less about him right now (he's an ex-boyfriend, to make matters more fun). But I was gentle when I told him he just hasn't been in the picture lately. He went on about how I've hurt him in the past and that he doesn't like to let relationships go down the drain. I wish he would go down the drain! No, really, I don't have many negative feelings toward him, but I would be happy if he disappeared for a long, long time. I don't want to be his only friend. I don't want to be his friend, period. But I'm not looking to sign up for the enemy position right now, either.

He even asked me if everyone thinks he's ugly or annoying. Of course he is, but I'm not going to be the one to tell him.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be outright blunt and heartless. But I'm sick of pretending. How can I end this friendship without hurting him - or is that not possible?

I would love to add that this person, this wretched friend has a very annoying habit of disagreeing with everything I say! Oh my God, that gets old! He was doing it to me this morning and when I pointed that out to him, he got angry with me for saying that he "always" disagrees with me. GRR!

Sincerely,

Tired of never-ending "friendships"

 

Dear Tired,

Oy vey! So this is what it's like to be nice to people. Fortunately, I don't have that problem. I mean, I don't have annoying people calling me.

I'm not sure if there is any way to break off a friendship without hurting someone; after all, you are rejecting him and nobody likes that. Still, I don't understand why he doesn't want to let this relationship "go down the drain" considering his complaint that you've hurt him in the past. Well, that's a good start...you could continue to hurt him, and eventually he'll go away. No, that's horrible advice. Forget I just said that.

If he calls to arrange a get together, keep telling him you're busy or that you've made other plans. I don't care how much of a loser he is, eventually he'll stop pestering you. You could always give him the "it's not you, it's me, you irritating SOB" speech. Or just screen your calls. Most people get the hint after you don't return their calls two or three times in a row. But I guess he is used to that.

This boy needs a large dose of extracurricular activities to jack up his confidence and keep him out of your face. I could tell him that, but he didn't ask me. So you're going to have to be firm with him -- you've wasted enough of your life on this boy as it is. People drift apart, friendships untether, whiny boyfriends get dumped. It's just the natural cycle of life, and there's nothing wrong with that. The only alternative is to ensure your place in Heaven and keep aggravating yourself with his unproductive foolishness.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

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