"St Valentine?� Jump up my butt."
Valentines day is arse.� I hate this day more than any other of the year and I am unsuprised that more suicides occur at this time of year than any other. � Happy about that fact, are we Hallmark and WH Smiths?� I have had a boyfriend for only one valentines as far as I remember, the rest are normally a sad miserable time of year not to be dwelled on.� It should be re-named "Singles Awareness Day".
But this year is different and Im going to bug everybody I know about how shit it is.� Fortunately this year Im in the Lake District on a team-building weekend with workmates.� I never thought Id look forward to that type of crap but its probably the only place in England that I can get away from it all.
Anyway, here are five reasons why its a bunch of arse:
- The crap way in which all TV and advertising is in some way linked to Valentines day like "On this special Valentines weekend we're giving away two bottles of weedkiller for the price of one!"� So what?!?
- This spotted in a shop: On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
- Every bloody shop is full of pink and red.� Reminds me of a bacon and blood massacre.
- All your attached mates start talking about what theyre going to do on Valentine's Night.� Like I really want it rubbed in my face that I am single and alone!! (me? bitter?)
- The absolute fortune that card companies, restaurants, hotels, chocolate makers and other capitalist gits are making out of a dead saint who was probably gay anyway.
And here are five ways to get through it:
- Rent out loads of comedy videos.� Avoid all Television as it'll be 'Valentines Night' specials.� Dont rent out cute romantic comedies.� You'll feel even worse.
- Take the day off from work. Toss a change of clothes and a toothbrush into the car and drive with no particular destination in mind. Stop whenever you see something interesting.� Avoid all heart-related things seen on the way.
- Go to a football match with a mate and eat loads of junk food. � It'll be full of single men by the way (but thats not the point!)
- Laugh at those people trying to create a wonderful romantic night then next day are back to the nagging, arguing, demented, match made in hell couple that they normally are.
- Go out with your single mates and do whatever the hell you want. � And dont have to explain your behaviour to anyone.
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