Twelve Days Of Christmas

The 12 Days of
CHRISTMAS
December 14, 1972
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world
would dream of getting a real,
Partridge in a Pear Tree?
How can I ever express my
pleasure? Thank you a
hundred times for thinking of me this way.
All my Love, Agnes

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December 15, 1972
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your
very sweet gift. Just imagine
two turtle doves. I'm just
delighted at your very thoughtful
gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
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December 16, 1972
Dearest John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one.
Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity, three
French hens. They are just darling
but I must insist, you've been too kind.
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December 17, 1972
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling
birds. Now really, they are beautiful,
but don't you think enough is enough?
You are being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
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December 18, 1972
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman
delivered five golden rings, one for
every finger. You're just impossible,
but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
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December 19, 1972
Dear John:
When I opened the door today
there were actually six geese
laying on my front steps. So
you're back to the birds again
huh? These geese are huge. Where
will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and
I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Agnes
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December 20, 1972
John:
What's with you and those freaking
birds?? Seven swans a swimming.
What kind of doggone joke is this?
There's bird poop all over the house!
I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop these freaking birds.
Sincerely, Agnes
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December 21, 1972
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What
the heck am I going to do with 8
maids a milking? It's not enough and
8 maids that milk, but they had to
bring their doggone cows. There is
manure all over the lawn & the house.
Just lay off me, Agnes
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December 22, 1972
Hey you Jerk!:
What are you? Some kind of sadist?
Now there's nine pipers playing. And
SHEEZE do they play! They've never
stopped chasing those maids since they
got here. The cows are getting upset
and they're stepping all over the birds.
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours!! Agnes
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December 23, 1972
You rotten GOOBER!:
Now there's ten ladies dancing.
The cows have diarrhea. My
living room is a river of POOP. The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpenaed
me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !
Agnes
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December 24, 1972
Listen here, you Gomer Pile look alike!
What's with those eleven lords a leaping
on the maids and ladies? Some of those
broads will never walk again. All 23
of the birds are dead. They've been
trampled to death by the cows. I hope
you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes
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December 25, 1972
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift
of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you
have seen fit to inflict on our client,
Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction,
of course, was total. All correspondences
should come to our attention. If you
should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein
at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants
have been instructed to shoot you on
sight. With this letter please find
attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially, Law Offices of Walters,
Meeks & Chasteen
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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!