CAJONES
 

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late
dinner. He orders the house special and is brought a plate with
potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects.

"What's this?" he asks.
 
"Cojones (pronounced co ho' nays), senor," the waiter replies.
 
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
 
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost
at the arena this afternoon."
 
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he
decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite
delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the
next night and order it again.

This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are
much smaller.
 
"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
 
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
 
"No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much
bigger than these."
 
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."

GENTLEMANS' CLUB
 

The other day, my friends and I went to this "Gentlemans' Club."

One of my buddies wanted to impress us, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt.

Not to be outdone, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek.

Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that?

I got out my wallet, thought for a minute.....then the banker in me took over...

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door.

GIFT TO ADAM AND EVE
 

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but He had two
extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them
between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to
give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found hanging
around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted
that ability."

Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able
to do that! It seems the sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh
please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When I'mworking
in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let itfly.
It'd be so cool. I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be
me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please......"

On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. Eve just
smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could haveit.
It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, and she really
wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his pee
while in a vertical position. And lo, he was happy and did celebrate bywetting
down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while.
And it was good."Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts.

"What's left God?" said Eve.
"Well, let me look in here...Oh yes, there they are, the multipleorgasms..."

TOP 14 INTERESTING THINGS TO DO IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM
 

 14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.

12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.

11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

 9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

 8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh

relaxingly.

4. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"