The Champ
Well here's the champ! He's a pretty big guy
who gets what he wants, just don't get him mad! He seems like a
nice guy, but if you say something that he don't like he gets
really steamed and says in a deep voice," Pardon?",
and then it's lights out, buddy!
The Champ is married to Mrs. Champ, and he and his buddy
Knuckles, that his sparring buddy Knuckles, like to hang out a
lot. So, here are a few of the Champ's stories, told by the Champ
himself.
The Champ's Renovation
Champ Goes to the Dentist
Champ in the Park
Champ on Vacation
Champ in the Gym
Champ's Nieces
Champ's Dog
Champ's Apple Tree
The Fish Store
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, this here's the Champ!
One day I was up in my house doing some renovatin' work done up there and I was just hammerin' away at some 2 x 4's. My buddy Knuckles was with me, and my beautiful wife was helping out. And I was up on the ladder just banging away at some 2 x 4's, and my buddy Knuckles says," Hey Mrs. Champ. I think the Champ could use another stud."
I says," Pardon?"
"I said `I think Champ, could use another stud.'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the 2 x 4, and then jump off the ladder. I give him a right, and a left, and then a pounding to the solar-plexus!
And Knuckles is laying on the floor, and I says," Hey Knuckles, how'd ya like that, `I think Champ could use another stud', enough for ya!"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, this here's the Champ!
One day, I had to go see the dentist. Yeah, hadda get some toothwork done. So's I'm laying there waitin', and the dentist comes in. I says," So Doc. What do ya need to do?"
He replied," Well Champ, first I'm gonna have to knock ya out, and then I'm gonna drill ya."
I says," Pardon?"
"First I'm gonna knock you out, and then I'm gonna have to drill ya."
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the drill, and the loser falls for it. I give him a left, and a right, and then I kneed him in the groin! (That's the first time I ever kneed someone in the groin before), then a kalarby to the solar-plexus.
And he's laying on the floor, and I says," Hey Doc. How'd ya like that, `I'm gonna have to knock you out, and then I'm gonna drill ya,' enough for ya?
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, welll this here's the Champ!
One evening I was walking through the park with these two nice Louisville bats. One of 'em was even signed by one o' the Toronto Blue Jays, and he tossed it to me way up in the stands. And I'm swinging my bats, I loved my Louisville bats. And I've got my mother, Mrs. Mrs. Champ, on one side, and my grandmother on my other side, and we's just walkin' through the park.
I see my buddy Knuckles up in the stands there and he shouts out," Hey Champ! Where'd you get the two old bats?"
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `Where'd you get the two old bats?'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I run up there and hit him over the head with the bat, then a left and a right to the stomach, and some rapid punches to the solar-plexus!
And he's lying there and I says," Hey Knuckles. How'd ya like that, `Where'd you get the two old bats?' enough for ya?"
Ever sice I was the Champ.
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ.
I took me and my wife, Mrs. Champ, on vacation to Hawii. My buddy Knuckles came along too, 'cause I know he loves vacationing. When we got to the beach, these guys came by and hung flowers around our necks. My buddy Knuckles says," Hey Champ! That guy just gave Mrs. Champ a lay."
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `That guy just gave Mrs. Champ a lay.'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the lay, and the maroon falls for it! I give him a left and a right to the head, and a real pounding to the solar-plexus!
And the guy's laying there, and I says," How'd ya like that, `That guy just gave Mrs. Champ a lay' enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ.
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ, see?
One afternoon I was down in the gym pumpin' some iron. I was laying on the bench press with a ton on the rack, and just having some trouble lifting the last round. And my buddy Knuckles was there, and he says," Hey Champ, what's wrong? Can't get it up?"
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `What's wrong? Can't get it up?'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the dumbbell, and the idiot falls for it. I give him a left and a right, and a kalarby to the solar-plexus!
And Knuckles is laying there and I says," Hey Knuckles. How'd ya like that, `What's wrong Champ? Can't get it up?', enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ!
I was at the beach with my two nieces, and I decided to take them out on the lake for a bit of a row. So we're out there having a good time, I'm rowing them and they seem to be enjoying themselves. And we're about half-way across and I see my buddy Knuckles on the beach and he says," Hey Champ! Where'd ya get the two oars?"*
I says," Pardon?"
"I said `Champ! Where'd you get the two oars?'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I row to shore, head fake him with the paddle, and the maroon falls for it! I give him a left, and a kalarby to the solar-plexus!
And ol' Knuckles is laying on the sand, and I says," Hey Knuckles. How'd ya like that, `Where's ya get the two oars?' enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
* Sounds like "Whores" - in case you didn't get it. =P
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ!
One day I was out walkin' ma dog. I gots me a weiner dog, and he's a cute little thing. And I sees my buddy Knuckles down the street and he says," Hey Champ! Nice weiner!"
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `Hey Champ! Nice weiner!'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the weiner dog, and the fool falls for it! I give him a left to the shoulder, and a right to the stomach, and a big poundin' to the solar-plexus.
And he's lying there and I says," Hey Knuckles. How'd ya like that, `Hey Champ, nice weiner," enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ!
One day I was out in my front yard pickin' apples. I gots me a nice bucket of apples for Mrs. Champ, and I was up the ladder in the top of the tree. Then suddenly this big gust o' wind picks up my ladder and send it flyin'. My next door neighbour was watchin' the whole thing and says," Hey Champ! Looks like you're out of your tree!"
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `Hey Champ. Looks like you're out of your tree!'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I head fake him with the bucket of apples, and the maroon falls for it! I give him a left and a right, and a round of punches to the solar-plexus!
And he's lying there and I says," How'd ya like that, `Hey Champ, looks like yer out of yer tree,' enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*
Yeah, well this here's the Champ!
One day I was in the fish store. I was lookin' for some fish. I had my wife with me, and my buddy Knuckles was taggin' along with us. I looked into a tank and saw a real big fish. I asked," What kind of fish is that?"
Knuckles replies," It's a shark, hammerhead."
I says," Pardon?"
"I said, `It's a shark, hammerhead.'"
WELL I LOSE IT! I SNAP!
I slap him across the face with a fish and then give him a left to the shoulder and a kalarby to the solar-plexus.
And he's laying there on the floor, and I says," Hey Knuckles. How'd ya like that, `It's a shark, hammerhead,' enough for ya?"
Ever since I was the Champ!
*Hum the training theme from Rocky (Ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa, ba ba baaaa)*