Stoopid People
I don't know who this guy is, but I heard him on the radio and he is hilarious! If the guy finds my page, please don't get mad. I appreciate your humour. If anyone has heard this guy before, please tell me who he is!
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I was driving around town one day and I got a flat tire. I pulled into one of those roadside service stations and I swear to God the attendant came out and said," Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist, I said," Nope! I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me!" And without missing a beat he said," Well the heat'll do that."
I just hate stupid people.
All stupid people should wear signs that say STUPID on it. That way people would know they're stupid and not ask them anything. "Excuse me, uh... oh nevermind. I didn't see your sign."
I was out fishing with a buddy of mine and when we got back I pulled a big stringer of bass up out of the boat. And some guy standing on the dock said," Y'all catch all them fish?" I replied," Nope! Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was moving from **** to **** and we had all our stuff in boxes out in front of the house and a big U Haul truck in the driveway, and my brother-in-law comes by and says," Y'all moving?" I replied," Nope! We just like to pack our things up once or twice a week just to see how many boxes it'll take. Here's your sign."
See, that's why they put warning labels on certain products, it's for stupid people. That way if someone with a sign tried to buy one of those things the cashier would say," I'm sorry I can't sell you this." "Why not?" "Awwww... nevermind!"
Did you know that on a tube of Preparation H it says "Do not take this orally"? That's sad isn't it? Because you know somebody wrote them a letter:
Dear Preparation H,
I ate this whole dang tube, and I've still got these hemorrhoids.
Man my mouth is so small, I can't even eat a jellybean anymore.
But I can whistle real good though!
And on a stick of roll-on deoderant it says "Do not apply this to your eyes. Now, laidies... when were you ever on a blind date when he was good looking but he just had that stinky eye?
My wife and I bought our little daughter a dolly called Rub-a-dub Dolly. She floats around in the tub with a little life-preserver on. And on the back of it it says "This is not a life saving device." Now what idiot is gonna see some guy drowning in a river and yell," Heeeeere!! Here's a Rub-a-dub Dolly doll!" "Oh thank God, you saved my life!"
I had to replace the fan belt on my car, and did you know that on the back of the belt it says "Be sure to stop the motor first". Now wouldn't that have been fun to have been there the first time that happened. The father comes into the house with his hands all cut up. "Hey, pop. What happened to your hands?" "Well... I'm gonna give you boys a little tip: if you're gonna put that fanbelt on you'd better shut that motor off first. You can't stop it with your hands! It's like a machine or something?"
I was selling my car one time and this guy came around the house and drove it around for about forty-five minutes. When we got back he got out of the car, went to the back, and he grabs the exhaust pipe. He shouted," Damn, that's hot!" See. If he'd been wearing his sign I could'a stopped him.