The WEDGIE Page
I bet you're wondering why I'd put such a stupid page on my site? Well, I was in church this week and these younger kids were acting like morons and calling me and my friends on to fight. My friends will be called Bill and Max, and the two kids will be Bob and Joe. Bob grabbed Bill in a head-lock and they went into the door at the end of the hall. Max jumped on Bob and tried to help Bill, but Joe jumped on Max.
The first three guys fell through a doorway into our Bible study room and then Joe jumped on top of the pile. Then a big surprise for all of them; my other friend, we'll call him Chris, jumped on top of the whole pile. First of all, the kids made the mistake of calling us on. Secondly: now they were inside OUR room with five of us older guys, including our Youth Leader, who was King Wedgie at our church.
Bob was getting wedgied by Bill while Joe was frantically trying to escape from Max. He was lying on his back, so Max grabbed his underwear in the front and began to pull. "Oh no! Frontal wedgie! Frontal wedgie!" laughed our leader. Then Max rolled Joe onto his stomach and gave him a rear wedgie and dragged him by his underwear into the hallway. Joe ran away, trying to pick out his wedgie while Bill and Bob still went at it. Bob got what was coming to him and also left, picking out his crack.
Anyway... that is an example of "Smart Guy Fixing" at my church. We are all waiting for next year when those kids graduate to our High School group. I didn't participate this time, but when the new Grade 9's get their initiations next year I'm gonna give a few wedgies myself! I decided to add this page to my site so you can learn the tricks of the trade, as well as the most common and painfully effective wedgies in the world. Trust me, after getting a few of these, nobody will act smart to you or your friends ever again.
Here is the classification, and description, of
many famous wedgies.
NOTE: I am not responsible for any
harm that comes from giving these types of wedgies. Any pulling,
ripping of gotchies, or chafing is solely your fault, and you
shouldn't be giving wedgies to anyone in the first place!
Standard Wedgies
Wedgie
This is the most common wedgie. Whether you sneak
up behind a guy or have several guys hold him down, the wedgie is
simply a playfull pull on someone's underwear, causing it to
wedge up into his butt crack.
Frontal Wedgie
Exactly the opposite of the Wedgie. This time you
grab the guy's underwear in the front and pull. Quite the painful
one too!
NOTE: The frontal wedgie may have
harmful side-effects to the person's future sex life.
Floor Wedgie
As described in the story above, the Floor Wedgie
is given to a person lying on the floor. The person is then
dragged around the room. My other friend, Andrew, has given
"Chris" such a bad Floor Wedgie once that he dragged
him back and forth around my Youth Group's Rec Room. (Around the
pool table, to the ping-pong table, then back over to the pool
table)
Atomic Wedgie
This wedgie is commonly seen on television. It is
a normal wedgie, only the underwear is successfully pulled up and
over the person's head.
Swirl Wedgie
ŠKing Wedgie - Seriously!
He's patented it!
The swirl wedgie requires two or more people,
unless you happen to be strong enough to whip some guy around
while pulling up his underwear. A swirl wedgie is just a normal
wedgie, but once you have pulled the underwear up you have to
spin the person around, thus making the wedgie much worse and
more painful.
Snow Wedgie
Only available in Alaska, the North Pole, or
Antartica during the warmer seasons, the snow wedgie is a floor
wedgie that is done on the ground. The person getting wedgied is
then dragged into a snowbank or, if you are already in snow,
simply dragged through the snow.
The Underwater Bathing
Suit Wedgie
This is sooo obvious I won't bother explaining
it... but I might as well anyway. This wedgie is given to a
swimmer while he is swimming (duh!) and
their swim suit (speedos work great here!) is pulled way up their crack.
They cannot pick it out until they swim back to shore.
Side Wedgie
Only effectively accomplished with two people,
the Side Wedgie has one guy on either side of the person who is
about to get wedgied. Each guy grabs the person's elastic and
pulls at the sides, which effectively wedges up both the front and
the back of the gotchies.
Superman Wedgie
Another wedgie that requires two or more people.
The person is given a floor wedgie and then lifted off the floor
and "flown" around the room with his arms out
like a bird. One of the most painful wedgies you can give. Chris
has had his share of Superman Wedgies and I think he looks
hilarious while flying around, carried by two guys including the Wedgie
King himself.
The SUPER Wedgies
Super Atomic Wedgie
A group wedgie given to a guy who is ticking off
a large group of people. Each person in the group takes part and
they pull the person's underwear over their head, ripping the
fabric if they have to.
Coat Hook Wedgie
Another group wedgie. This may be done with two
or more people if no more than three people can be found that are
willing to help out. The person is wedgied and then left to hang
by his elastic on a coat hook. If you are giving wedgies in the
boys washroom or changeroom at school, the hooks on the doors of
the bathroom stalls will also work.
Fork-lift Wedgie
Exactly as it sounds. Two or three guys grab
another kid's underwear and lift him several feet off the ground.
I've seen this done with such accuracy that the person getting
wedgied kicked his feet straight up in the air. He got lifted
about 4-5 feet into the air by three big guys.
The Jet Ski (Sea Doo)
Wedgie
This is another underwater wedgie. The person's
bathing suit is grabbed and the person is dragged around as if he
were a Jet Ski skimming over the water.
Frontal Atomic Swirl
Wedgie
Easy enough to understand. The guy is given a
atomic wedgie in the front, and is then spun around by his
underwear up to eight inches off the ground.
Superman Snow Wedgie
The Superman Wedgie, perfected in that with a 1,
2, 3 count the person is hurled into a snowbank and then wedgied
again in the Floor fashion.
The Frontal Atomic
Superman Swirl Wedgie
The unfortunate trouble-maker is given a frontal
atomic wedgie, and then flown around like Superman and swirled
around like a top, up to two or three feet off the ground.
The Super Frontal Atomic
Superman Swirl Snowman Wedgie
The poor, unlucky fellow who gets hit with this
outside group wedgie is given a super atomic frontal wedgie,
flown around like Superman, swirled, and thrown into a snowbank
(the effect is even better if there is a snowman there to greet
him).
Rules of Wedgying
1. Make sure the person knows he is getting a wedgie. It makes it more fun if they submit to fate and allow themselves to be wedgied. Otherwise they may fight back and result in loss of blood.
2. If you do give them an Atomic Wedgie and their underwear does rip, PLEASE pay to replace it. Wedgies are only fun if everyone else is having fun, including the guy getting wedgied. Please pay for all damaged articles of clothing!
3. NEVER wedgie a girl! For one thing, frontal wedgies don't seem to have the same effect they do on guys, and also, wedgies are saved for grade 9 initiations, football team junior player recognition, and whenever the need arises (ie: two kids acting like smart guys). Girls get VERY mad when wedgied (not talking from experience, but I bet they would) and unless you want to get your head punched in, DO NOT WEDGIE GIRLS! They are specially saved for guys!
WEDGIE UPDATE!!
A guy at my youth group last Sunday (May 2nd) kept making smart remarks, so Chris and the Wedgie King both attacked him and gave him an Atomic Wedgie, which almost turned into a Superman Wedgie! Oh yeah, and it took him like 5 minutes to pick it out too! I was laughing my head off! LOL!