Whether your loss is the death of a friend, family member, or the end of a love elationship, the result for everyone is a sense of grief and emotional pain. It is *vital* for those who are  just entering the loss "process" (which is 'automatic', although many people try to repress it in various ways) to allow yourself to feel and experience fully what most experts on loss feel to be the four main emotions needed to heal the "broken heart." These feelings can be felt in any "order" and in varying intensities, depending on the situation and the individual.

1. Sadness:
This feeling is a result of thinking about what you wanted to happen that didn't happen. Feeling sad allows you to accept the fact that things you wanted or had are gone and over time, to accept your loss. It also is an important step in helping to adjust your expectations of others.
When you can go from thinking "I expect love from _____" to "I expect to be loved," you will be empowered to be less attached  or dependent and to develop more self-confidence and self-reliance.

2. Anger:
Yup, the "big A" feeling. This is a powerful emotion, perhaps because when expressed or felt it can be very dramatic, scary and even potentially destructive. With a loss, you feel anger because you are no longer getting what you want. It's gone. After a loss it is very important to allow yourself to feel angry and the express it (without harming
yourself or others of course). To hold the anger in will result in staying stuck in an apathetic or "numb" mode. Feeling and letting out/getting out the anger will help to free you from the apathy (a defense to keep you from feeling or getting hurt again) and it will also reconnect you to life again, opening the doors of opportunity for love to enter again.

3. Fear-Being Afraid:
Fear emotions come when you start imagining what might happen or might not happen now that your life has changed so much due to your loss. It is usually a feeling of negativity or "doom and gloom," often because you are feeling pretty vulnerable. One good way through this feeling is to reach out and to accept support from others. The support and good feelings you will get will help you to once again fill your heart and mind with love, gratitude, and the courage to move on with your life.

4. Grief-Sorrow:
This feeling tells you that whatever you wanted to happen or had planned is no longer a possibility with the person you lost. This emotion drives home the reality that you are unable to change what happened. When you can acknowledge your inability to correct what is done, you will be able to shift your thoughts to what *can* be done. This
process helps you to hear and to accept the support and compassion that will help heal your emotional wounds. In time, that will help you make room in your heart again for love. Old hopes are gone, but you will be able to create and find new hopes that will aid you greatly in starting over and in moving along with your life.
 

[Your Attitudes & Beliefs: An Important Inventory To Take]

Many people live their life in denial, basically not feeling their feelings. Since feelings and beliefs are tightly connected, knowing your beliefs and attitudes can help uncover feelings. You can then decide whether to investigate them or not. If you have any strong feelings
(especially the "gut feelings") when thinking about or writing down a reply to any of these, chances are there are some powerful feelings there that would benefit you by bringing them to the surface.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Are most people honest, in your opinion?
2. What do you expect from the people in your life?
3. Is your job generally rewarding or is it frustrating?
4. Are you usually an optimist or a pessimist?
5. Do you feel you give more to other people or take more from others?
6. Do you feel more money would make you happier?
7. Do you always keep your word?
8. Are you generally an "easy going" person or more of a"high-activity-high strung" type?
9. Do you feel guilty very often?
10. Do you generally like yourself?

Answer truthfully and if you get strong emotions or physical sensations when thinking about a question, stay with it and see what you feel or finally write down.