A rabbit, walking through the woods accidently bumped into a snake. He excused himself, apologized and explained that he was blind. The snake said, "That's a coincidence, I was born blind too , what kind of animal are you?" The rabbit replied that he wasn't sure. In fact, the snake didn't know what kind of animal he was either. So the rabbit proposed that they'd feel each other and try to determine what kind of animals they were. The snake agreed and proceeded to wrap himself around the rabbit. He proclaimed, "You're furry and soft! You have a cottontail and very long ears. You must be a rabbit." "Great!" said the bunny " Now it's your turn." The rabbit began to feel the snake and said "Oh! You're all slimmy and scaley and very low to the ground. You must be a lawyer!"

                               

        A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! my BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir! You're bleeding! Good Heaven's, your left arm is gone!"
        The lawyer, horrified, screamed "my Rolex! my Rolex!"
                               

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
        "Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side.
        Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you.
        Got close and saw it wasn't you.--$50.00."

                               

A Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys
(Creating section 372: of the California State Civil Code)

§ 372.01 Any person with a valid California state Rodent, Skunk, or Predator hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational, relaxation, and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.

§ 372.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted; however, the use of United States Currency as bait, in denominations of $20.00 or more is prohibited.

§ 372.03 It is unlawful to hurt or trap attorneys inside saloons, cocktail lounges, strip joints, or brothels or within one hundred (100) yards of BMW, Porsche, Mercedes Benz dealerships.

§ 372.04 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a Hooker, Reporter, Accident Victim, Physician, Chiropractor for the purpose of attracting and hunting attorneys or shout; "WHIPLASH", "CLASS ACTION", or "FREE DRINKS" for such purpose.

§ 372.05 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is unlawful. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash.  

§ 372.06 BAG LIMITS PER DAY:
Nasty Larcenous Litigator		4 Per day
Devious Divorce Lawyer		3 Per day
Horn-rimmed Cutthroat		2 Per day
Pompous Procrastinator		1 Per day
Raging Environmentalist		1 Per day
HONEST ATTORNEYS		*(0)*
* (Protected - Endangered Species)

That's enough picking on attorneys. It's just too easy!