• I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are going to try!
• We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is I'm sick of you.
• Today I'm going to mix business with pleasure. You're fired!
• Tell me - how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow?
• I've got good news, you won't have to worry about being late for work ever again.
• They told me to get some enthusiasm back into this unit. So I'm firing you with enthusiasm.
• "I'm never going to work for that man again"    "Why, what did he say?"    "You're fired"

Yo Momma
Just the clean ones
First the 'Yo Momma's so fat' ones...

• Yo momma so fat when she wears red she looks like the Kool-Aid Man.
• Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around all around the house!.
• Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets any sun!
• Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
• Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
• Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everybody!
• Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
• Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
• Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
• Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
• Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
• Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
• Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Portugal claimed her for the new world
• Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
• Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
• Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
• Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
• Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say "Taxi!"
• Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
• Yo momma so fat that when she hauls butt, she has to make two trips!
• Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
• Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.
• Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
• Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says "to be continued"
• Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
• Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
• Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get to her good side!

And then the 'Yo Momma's so dumb' ones......

• Yo momma so dumb that she sold the car for gas money.
• Yo momma so dumb she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
• Yo momma so dumb she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
• Yo momma so dumb that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
• Yo momma so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
• Yo momma so dumb she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
• Yo momma so dumb She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so she went home.
• Yo momma so dumb she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "Guess" so she said Levi's
• Yo momma so dumb it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
• Yo mamma so dumb she sold her car to buy brand new tires.

• Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
• Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
• Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
• Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
• Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
• Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

• Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
• Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
• Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
• Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
• Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
• Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
• Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money

No fair! Dad's should have just as many jokes about them. If I can find any, I'll be sure to post them Get back to work!