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GOSSIP IN BAYSWATER!
WASSIE IN SURGERY!
Bayswater Park gun fast bowler and captain, Wassie Jones, is looking at being out of action for at least 87 weeks after a horrific clash with an umpire during Saturdays second round clash, Bayswater Park Vs Ferntree Gully, at the SACS (Sasses Avenue Cricket Stadium). The clash came in the 7th over of proceedings when Wassie Jones was running in to bowl and amazingly ran into the umpire, Glen Coyle, and almost ended both of their lives. Wassie says it was a clear mistake by the umpire, as the umpire was at square leg, and was in his way. "Well I just overstepped the line a little and hit the square leg umpie! He was right in my way, it is a disgrace to the cricket community" Wassie stated, before he broke into tears about the incident and the prospect of missing 87 weeks of the season. Wassie has dismissed all claims that the incident was purposely done and that there is a feud between himself and umpire, Coyle. There have also been claims that Coyle planted a bomb in Wassies car. But before anyone could check the car blew up and authorities say that they did not find any evidence of a bomb in the rubble. Wassie will go into surgery over the christmas break and says before then he'll keep on playing his cricket, even though he only has one arm and no head.
WASSIE UNDER VERVE MICROSCOPE!
Mr Eagle Eye today made huge claims that Wassie Jones (Wass Inc.) convinced JB to buy a Verve CD. Police said that although highly unlikely, it is possible that there are some weird people out there that would do something like this. Eagle Eye claims that Wassie said such shocking things like "Yeah, get it, the Verve are good" and "Bitter Sweet Symphony is cool". This is a huge allegation and if found guilty, could face125 years imprisonment under the NO VERVE policy. But, to Wassies lawyers, it seems highly unlikely that Wassie would brake his own Wassie #17 rule (no convincing others to buy crap CD'S). Wassie has denied all of these claims. The hearing will be held in Wassies court on December 20th 2001 - Wassie Court Case Week.
CRITCHLEY CHARGED OVER HORSE SCANDAL!
Ron Critchley, horse lover and gambling extroadinare, has been charged with the infamous 'Horse Dopping Massacre' of 1992. It comes after evidence found at the local horse stables showed that he tampered with the horses food, water, stable and mind. It is eledged that Mr Critchley filled the horses water with with whisky, which made the horses very pissed and they couldn't stand. He also put rat poisoning in their food, this made the horses very ill. If that wasn't enough, he planted bear traps under the hay of the stable and many of the horses have one less foot from them. But worst of all, he put on a scream mask and suit and hid under the hay until an innocent horse walks by and then jumps out at them with a knife, many of these horses have had heart attacks and strokes. This was a very traumatic event for all horses involved and therefore, all horses have undergo therapy and counciling. This near death experience for the horses has tragically made them all go insane. Yesterday the YOU'RE NOT GOIN ANYWHERE, PSYCHO! straight jacket company had special jackets made up the the poor horses. Ronald Dale Critchley is expected to be imprisoned for a minimum of 207 years and elegable for parole in 103 years. He will face Wassies court on the 30th of December 2001.