1. People who point at their wrists while asking the time. I know
   where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point
   at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no
   dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire
   room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV
   and change the channel manually.

4. When people say "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it
   too." Fuck off! What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of
   course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've
   found it? Do people so this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No
   dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at this
   frikken ceiling up there.

7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey band. Don't
   drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober
   either, Mr Healey, you're blind for God's sake.

8. People who say "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a
   choice, did ya there buddy?

9. When something is "New and Improved", which is it? If it's new,
   then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
   improvement, then there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you
    were going. You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over!