COBAIN: I was probably about 14. Junior high. I never took it very seriously. I've never kept personal journals, either. I've never kept a diary, and I've never tried to write stories in the poetry; it's always been abstract. The plan for my life, ever since I can remember, was to be a commercial artist. My mother gave me a lot of support in being artistic-she really complimented my drawings and paintings. So I was always building up to that. By the time I was in ninth grade I was taking three commercial art classes and planning to go to art school. My art teacher would enter my paintings and stuff in contests. But ultimately, I wasn't interested in that at all, really; it wasn't what I wanted to do. I knew my limitations. However, I really enjoy art and still like to paint. I've always felt the same about writing, as well. I know I'm not educated enough to really write something that I would enjoy on the level that I would like to read.

GW: When did you first visit England?

COBAIN: `89.

GW: Did you enjoy it?

COBAIN: Yeah. Especially the first time. We also went through the rest of Europe, but by the seventh week I was ready to die. We were touring with Tad. It was 11 people in a really small Volvo van, with all our equipment.

GW: You mean 12, with Tad. . .

COBAIN: Fifteen! Depending on whether his stomach was empty or not. He vomited a lot on that tour.

GW: When did you first realize that things were starting to break for the band?

COBAIN: Probably while we were on tour in Europe in `91. We'd finished the "Teen Spirit" video and they started to play it while we were on tour. I got reports every once in a while from friends of mine, telling me that I was famous. So it didn't affect me until probably three months after we'd already been famous in America.

GW: Was there one moment when you walked into it and you suddenly realized?

COBAIN: Yeah. When I got home. A friend of mine made a compilation of all the news stories about our band that appeared on MTV and the local news programs and stuff. It was frightening. It scared me.

GW: How long did it continue to scare you?

COBAIN: For about a year and a half-up until the last eight months or so. Until my child was born, I would say. That's when I finally decided to crawl out of my shell and accept it. There were times when I wanted to break up the band because the pressure was so intense, but, because I like this band, I felt like I had a responsibility not to.

GW: Was that around the time of your summer 1992 European tour?

COBAIN: Yes. That was when the band started to really fail me emotionally. A lot of it had to do with the fact that we were playing these outdoor festivals in the daytime. There's nothing more boring than doing that. The audiences are massive and none of them care what band is up on stage. I was just getting over my drug addiction, or trying to battle that, and it was just too much. For the rest of the year I kept going back and forth between wanting to quit and wanting to change our name. But because I still really enjoy playing with Chris and Dave, I couldn't see us splitting up because of the pressures of success. It's just pathetic, you know? To have to do something like that.

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