*Hmmmmmm*.....og s� var der den om manden, der var til unders�gelse p� hospitalet. Da han efter nogle dage kom tilbage til hospitalet for at erfare svarene p� unders�gelserne, fortalte l�gen, at han havde nogle gode nyheder - og nogle d�rlige nyheder.
- N�, giv mig s� f�rst de gode nyheder, sagde manden.
- Den gode nyhed er, at din penis er vokset 4 cm
- Eiihhh, det var da rart. Og hvad er s� den d�rlige nyhed?
- Det skyldes en ondartet sygdom !

Fru Olsen kom hjem og fandt huset endevendt af tyve og ringede til politiet:
- De har stj�let fjernsynet, videoen, stereoen, s�lvt�jet og alt mit pelsv�rk.
- Ellers andet, frue?
- N� ja. S� har de skudt min mand

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"
He looks at her and says angrily "Fix the light?? Now?? Does it look like I have a General Electric logo printed on my forehead?? I don't think so!!"

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right" to wich he replied, "Fix the fridge door?? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead?? I don't thing so!!"

"Fine" she says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".
"I'm not a darn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps!!" he says "does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead?? I dont think so!! I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help her out. As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixet??"

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake".

He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him??"

She replied, "HELLOOOOO........ DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"

There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really suntanned all over except his penis and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis sticking out.

Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in the world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that:

When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it.
When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it.
When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40 years old, I asked for it.
When I was 50 years old, I paid for it.
When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it.
When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it.
and now that I am 80
THE DAMN THINGS ARE GROWING WILD!!!"

The brunette sighs and says, "Oh, shit, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Two gay guys walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas and notice that the male gorilla has a massive hard-on.
Naturally the guys are interested so they watch some more. One of the guys just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to stroke it.
The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and fucks him ragged for six hours solid. When he's done the gorilla throws him back over the cage.
An ambulance is called and he's taken away to the hospital.
Next day his friend visits him and asks, "Are you hurt ?" "AM I HURT?", he shouts, "He hasn't called, he hasn't written ..."