[Bye-Bye Seniors]
 

[Oh, seniors. How we will miss you. I’ve written about a child-abusing Mickey Mouse, making PDA a class and dressing up like a woman, but seniors provide me with the best stuff to write about. Without you next year, I honestly believe it’ll be hard to find the motivation to write about things like coming out of the closet. Issue after issue, just thinking of our seniors has brought a smile to my face and a lump in my pants. You guys are so hot, it would take a bunch of water balloons to cool you down. I can remember the beginning of the year when one of our commentaries read, “Attention seniors: Safeway is hiring.” Everyone took that so well. I was amazed at the open-mindedness and understanding our upperclassmen display. I’m so proud to call this school my own. The respect level and, heck, the reading level have been far beyond my expectations at the beginning of the year. Seniors never cease to amaze me. I’m seriously going to miss the seniors that won’t be here next year. It really won’t be the same. Younger, less mature folk might not take things as seriously as this year’s seniors have. This could very well be the last year that assemblies are so well behaved. We’ve lost the example that seniors have set for us and I can only hope that we come close to their legend. Thank you, seniors, for everything you have given this school. Thank you for your pride, your respect, your leadership and your positive attitude. I can’t think of any better role models for me to have. Thank you for not recognizing sarcasm very well. You’ve made my life a lot easier. After commencement, your dynasty will be over. And when you reach the table afterwards to pick up your diploma, your nametag, and your Safeway smock, always remember the love I have for you. Attention seniors: you’ll be missed.]