[Mislabeling is a crime in this country. If you purchase a can of lima beans, it will not have a rabid rat inside. If you buy a prescription, it will be for your ailment instead of an ointment for a brain hemorrhage (unless of course your ailment is a brain hemorrhage, but then you are to far gone to matter anyway.) The only real exception to this feature of America is the dreaded holiday Christmas.
If we are gonna have a freakin’ holiday honoring a mystical man in red who knows your thoughts, lets call December 25 Lucifermas. You see, I look at the world logically. If we have a holiday called Christmas, we should be honoring some guy named Christ or something like that. The guy in red is not labeled correctly. Santa is a fat man who offers small children candy while they sit on his lap. Michael Jackson did this and had to pay millions of dollars to settle a lawsuit. Yet, we do not call the holiday Jacksonmas either. Confusion you say, I think so. (No offence to Michael, or his small, innocent, young, shattered elves.) The airwaves are bombarded with cheesy commercials for Chia Pets and the Clapper. These are two cheap gifts you give to elderly people and others you don’t like. Therefore, why then isn’t the holiday called I-hate-you-and-think-you-are-not-worth-the-effort-of-an-actual-giftmas?
The Salvation Army, a good idea gone horribly wrong, have men at every door of all public buildings. If we lived in South Central Los Angeles they would be called crack dealers. If they were Italians from New York they would be Mafia members. Yet, we are not celebrating Cocaine/Gambinomas. No one messes with their racket. Mistletoe is every where during this season. This somehow means you are to kiss anyone who is under with you. This is sexual harassment if I remember all those lectures. Also you have to make out with people regardless of gender or personal hygiene. Still the holiday is not referred to as Sex-Alternative Lifesytle-Headlicemas. Trees by the thousands are cut down to make a mess in people’s homes. If Christmas trees grew in the rain forests we would have thousands of protesters complaining how the world will end due to lack of oxygen and other assorted garbage lines of nonsence. Still, I don’t think the big Christmas day is even referred to by those aforementioned freaks as Why-Don’t-We-Kill-The -Enviroment-and-Bring-Forth-the-Apocolypsemas. Eggnog, the most vile beverage known to all mankind is the drink of choice of this holiday though I doubt Jesus ever even had regular nog, much less the egg variety. People drink the filth and say they are getting in the holiday spirit. That would be true if the holiday was known as I-Am-Drinking-Raw-Sewage-and-Pretending-To-Like-Itmas. So you see, Christmas just isn’t the accurate name. Maybe when you look in your stockings on Christmas morn you will see assorted goodies. Maybe the bad lot will find a piece of coal (no offence to the soulless left side of the hallway walkers.) But unless the name is changed, it will probaly be a rabid rat. Enjoy your eggnog. Thank you.]