[You know, words used to mean things. There really was a time when phrases actually conjured images of substance. When someone screamed racism, pictures of evil men in white hoods, fires, the deep South, professional golf, and billy-clubs all jumped to mind. Now a racist is a skinny, tall, white kid who says he doesn’t like a particular Mexican restaurant’s location. When someone said pornography, you knew it was something people went to dirty little smut shops in New York City and the BHS library computers to get. Now, it is practically something you see on the way to third period between two consenting juveniles giving into carnal desires. Words used to carry a bit of weight. If someone indicated that you were stupid, you are supposed to be upset. Well, it seems that the entire freakin’ world is calling the good old US of A’s high school seniors chronically incompetent. The CFAS tests indicate that Bethelonians are some of the most ignorant people in the USA. Logic indicates that we (we being the proud students of the Bethel School District) are some of the most unknowledgable people in the entire world. Shocking as it is, not a single soul is infuriated. President Clinton rambled on for a while on how terrible the results were. He used words that sound really impressive and had a really serious look on his face, but since words no longer mean things, we all know nothing will be really accomplished. The ability of words to communicate ideas should not, better yet, must not, be compromised. Therefore, a new course of action needs to be implemented. Sure, everyone else out there is simply doing lip-work to the concept. Something needs to be done and somebody needs to step up and boldly propose it to the Senate Bi-Partisan Sub-Committee of National Educational and Propaganda-in-Nature Affairs (or some other obscenely long name like that) and make the President’s words have substance. That brave somebody will be me. I will not let such a dreadful comment be made about my country and school. As such, I propose that the United States launch an all-out nuclear attack on the people of the world who scored higher on the test than we did. Granted, this will not improve the test scores or actual knowledge of the American students, but it will make all Americans feel better about themselves. Nuclear holocaust always is good self-esteem. And since “positive self-image” is the primary goal of the United States’ education system, the deed will be done. Sure, it will cost millions of lives, but, heck, won’t it be worth it? If we do not retaliate for the injustice done to us, what will we learn? (Learn probably is the wrong word for us Americans.) I will not stand by as my nation is a punchline for some Swiss stand-up comedian. Lets nuke those neutralists. Thank you.]