MemphisJan's Jokes

"Wake Up Little Susie"

The following jokes are meant for fun and not to insult anyone...Please note that these jokes are meant for persons 18 and older. For jokes for ALL AGES click HERE

This week's jokes are dedicated to our fearless leader.

Clinton Questions

Wild Bill

Job Opportunity

Starr I Are

Clinton Questions

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?: "Sat on the Presidential Staff"
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?: Fornigate.
What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?: Missionary
If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe: what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
Why does Hillary wear the pants in the White House?: Cause Bill can't keep his on.
Why does Clinton wish he was like Ted Kennedy?: Cause Kennedy has an ex-wife and a dead girlfriend.
What did Clinton say to Gore about the whole affair?: Pardon me.
What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?: Spot remover.
What does Nixon have in common with Clinton?: Tricky Dick
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...: He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?: None -- He'll only promise "change."
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Titles for a Biographical movie about Clinton
ALL THE PRESIDENT'S WOMEN
GOOD BILL HUNTING
LIAR, LIAR 2
THE LYIN' KING
INTERNS OF ENDEARMENT
THE "VICE" PRESIDENT
AFFAIR TO FORGET
DAYS OF WINE AND BOZOs
SEX, LIES, AND AUDIO TAPE
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

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Wild Bill

1) Most people get AIDS from sex; but President Clinton gets sex from aides.

2) President Clinton: "I didn't say to lie in the deposition! I said lie in that position!

3) The price of oil has skyrocketed; rumor has it that the President is drilling in the White House again.

4) There's a new game in the White House. It's called "Swallow the = Leader"

5) The latest on Zippergate: President Clinton's name has been recently identified with the... UNABANGER.

6) Did you hear that they renamed one of the offices in the White House to the Oral Office?

7) What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? "I'll be home in twenty minutes dear."

8) Yasser Arafat at last week's news conference whispered in Bill's ear, "Goats don't talk."

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Job Opportunity

Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might be asking ourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program?

Check this out:

* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!

Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:

"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president....
Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just antastic."
- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif.

As you can see, being a White House intern is more than long hours, hot debates and touchy national issues.

Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it back to the White House at [email protected]

Name:
Hometown:
Sex: F__ Age:
Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
How many beers it takes to get you...

...Giggly:
...Drunk:
...Hot:
...To lie to a federal prosecutor:

Quick quiz:

You've always considered the White House:

a) a monument to democracy
b) the place where great leaders meet
c) vaguely erotic
d) extremely erotic

Hillary Clinton is a(n):

a) model wife and mother
b) icon of late 20th century femininity
c) an obstacle
d) inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world

You've always wanted to know more about the President's:

a) Israeli policies
b) childhood in Hope, Ark.
c) romper room
d) "monument to democracy"

My social life as an intern would likely consist of:

a) hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b) reading, study
c) late nights working at the White House
d) late nights working the White House

Score:
1 point for each a,
2 for each b,
3 for each c,
4 for each d.
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow.
Scores of 12 and above, please call soon.
Uncle Sam wants you.
*Please feel free to forward this form to anyone you know who might be interested in this program. The White House is an equal opportunity employer.

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Starr I Are -- a newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss

STARR I ARE

I'm here to ask
As you'll soon see --
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?

Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here nor there--
I did not do that
Anywhere!

I did not do that
Near or far --
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?

And did you tell
the girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-You-Are --
I think that you
Have gone too far.

I will not answer
Any more --
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!

The public's easy
To distract --
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!

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Got any good jokes???? Please email them to me!

"MemphisJan"

[email protected]
Write me!!!
Memphis, TN
United States

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A special thanks to my friends Liz and Dr. Jack, and my sister Kerrin for this week's jokes..."Thanks guys!"

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Since Feb. 09, 1998

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Last Updated Feb. 03, 1998

Disclaimer I am not the author of ANY of these jokes, and do not claim to be. I have gathered all of the jokes from public domain sources. Not responsible for any injuries due to uncontrolable laughter!