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| Amish Paradise |
(Lyrical Adaption of Ganster's Paradise by Coolio)
Performed By: "Weird Al" Yankovich
From the album: "Bad Hair Day"
Album rating: 4
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699
We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Livin' in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a tool? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically-impaired
There's no phone, no lights, no motor cars
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Curusoe
It's as primitive as can be
We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
Hitchin' up the buggy
Churnin' lotsa butter
Raise the barn on Monday
Soon I'll raise anutter
Think your really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy that little Amlettes wanna be like
On me knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiny
Or else my brother I might have to get mideval on your heiny
We been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Livin' in an Amish Paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Livin' in an Amish paradise
Well you'd probably think it bites
Livin' in an Amish paradise
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Also from "Weird Al" Yankovich:
The Saga Begins
Visit Weird Al on the web: Weird Al Offical Site