TedDiE's Jokez Page
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Okie dokies... muahahahahaha i got sum funnie $I-I;t for yah peoples out dere who likes tah laugh... some of dis stuff is for mature audiences so yea hehehehe... children beware!!!!.... heheheheheh... right now i'm hella tired so imma juss put up a couple jokes ... i'll add more and sort em when i have tyme...- TEd
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Pillz
"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset?
I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going
utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.
"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so
far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE,
understand? Just ONE."
"I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has
dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops
one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then
drops in a second pill.
And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful.
Then inspiration strikes -- he drops one pill into his own coffee.
His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and
coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders
a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her.
In a near-whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before,
she says, "I...need... a man..."
His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too..."
Bar Gryl
I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said,
"Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?"
She said, "Do you like sex?"
I said, "Of course I like sex."
She said, "Do you like to travel?"
I said, "Yeah, I love to travel."
She said, "Then fuck off."
Honie Moonie
A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the
impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other
about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father.
"Pop, what do I do first?"
"Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies.
So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls
her mama.
"Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies.
After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and
calls his dad again.
"What do I do?" he asks.
His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part
of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice.
A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?"
she asks.
"Well, what is he doing?" mama asks.
"He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
Nastie Thoughtz
I squeezed it gently at first, then a little bit harder. There seemed
to be more and more of it.
I moved it towards my lips. It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth and moved it around and around with my tongue. The
time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience the first time I ever tasted toothpaste.
__________________
It was laying limp in my hand.
It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got
to the end of it. I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and
the end was wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the
tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
___________________
It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn't sure just what I wanted to do with it. I carefully pulled it
apart with my fingers to look into it better. I knew how great it would
be if I just started eating it.
But I decided on catsup for my burger.
More jokes will be posted so chill.... hopefully i'll put up some 'classy' jokes... heh...
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