Elephants are interesting creatures. Especially in Africa during the rainy season, when they, amongst other animals, gorge on the fruit of the Amarula tree. The fruit ferments in their bellies and they get drunk and stagger all over the place. (This really happens -- I've seen it.)
Q: Why are there no elephants in Bollywood?
A:They can't run around trees without knocking them down.
Q: Why doesn't Rajnikanth fight elephants in Tamil movies?
A:He can't get them to jump in the air when he hits them.
Q: How can you tell if there are elephants under your bed?
A:You can touch the ceiling with your nose.
Q: How do elephants mate?
A:Carefully.
Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a jar of peanut butter?
A:The elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A:You don't.
Q: What has big ears, weighs a thousand kilos, and has two trunks?
A:An elephant on vacation.
Q: What would you do if an elephant sat in front of you at the cinema?
A:Miss most of the film.
Q: What do elephants do when they're hungry?
A:Wish their mahouts were leaves.
Q: Why don't elephants slip on bananas?
A:You can't slip on a crushed banana.
Q: Why do elephants like peanuts?
A:Why not? Is it a crime to like peanuts?
Q: What do you call an elephant in Parliament?
A:Dumbo.
Q: What is a white elephant?
A:An elephant playing in a baby powder factory.
Q: How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A:He takes out his VISA card.
Q: What did the elephant say to Mikhail Gorbachev?
A:Nothing. Elephants don't speak Russian.
Q: Why are elephants scared of mice?
A:Because, like my grandmother, they don't like mice in their trunks.
Q: How do you know when an elephant is approaching?
A:You're holding a bag of peanuts and the peanuts are jumping up and
down.
Q: How do elephants swim?
A:With swimming trunks.
Q: How can you recognize an elephant hunter?
A:He's dead and there's a gently sloping hole in his side.
Q: Why do elephants have tusks?
A:See previous question.
Q: Why do elephants have four knees on each leg?
A:Because three is an odd number of knees to have.
Q: How do elephants act at theatres?
A:They go through stages.
Q: What does an elephant do when it's hungry?
A:Go to the grocers.
Q: Why did the elephants quit their job at the factory?
A:They got tired of working for peanuts.
Q: What sort of boxers do elephants make?
A:Heavyweight. (Can you imagine a Featherweight elephant boxer?)
Q: What is gray and powdery?
A:Instant elephant.
Q: What weighs four thousand pounds and sings?
A:Harry Elefonte.
Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled ankles?
A:They lace their sneakers too tightly.
Q: Why do elephants have big ears?
A:Ask them, they'll certainly hear you.
Q: Do elephants never forget?
A:Of course they forget. Otherwise they would be employed as secretaries.
Q: Why are elephants so big?
A:Why are ants so small?
Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
A1: Big holes all over Australia.
A2: Letters of complaint from the World Wide Fund for Nature, the SPCA
and the producers of the TV show "Believe it or not" complaining that
they were not invited to the event.
Q: Why was the elephant wearing sunglasses?
A:You wouldn't want to be recognized if someone were telling these
jokes about you, would you?