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I will not skateboard in the halls. I will not burp in class. I will not instigate revolution. Iwill not draw naked ladies in class. I did not see Elvis. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" Garlic gum is not funny. They are laughing at me, not with me. I will not yell "FIRE" in a crowded classroom. I will not encourage others to fly. I will not fake my way through life. Tar is not a play thing. I will not xerox my butt. It's potato, not potatoe. I will not trade pants with others. I am not a 32 year old woman. I will not do that with my tongue. I will not drive the principal's car. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. I will not sell school property. I will not cut corners. I will not get very far with this attitude. I will not make flatulent noises in class. I will not belch the National Anthem. I will not sell land in Florida. I will not grease the monkey bars. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. I will not do anything bad ever again. I will not show off. I will not sleep through my education. Spitwads are not free speech. Nobody likes sunburn slappers. High explosives and school don't mix. I will not bribe Principal Skinner. I will not squeak chalk. I will finish what I star "BartBucks" are not legal tender. Underwear should be worn on the inside. I will not torment the emotionally frail. I will not carve gods. I will not spank others. I will not aim for the head. I will not barf unless I'm sick. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. I will not conduct my own fire drills. Funny noises are not funny. I will not snap bras. I will not fake seizures. This punishment is boring and pointless. My name is not Dr. Death. I will not defame New Orleans. I will not prescribe medication. I will not bury the new kid. I will not teach others to fly. I will not bring sheep to class. A burp is not an answer. Teacher is not a leper. Coffee is not for kids. I will not eat things for money. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. I will not call the principal "spud head". Goldfish don't bounce. Mud is not one of the four food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. I will not sell miracle cures. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. My homework was not stolen my a one-armed man. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. I am not deliciously saucy. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan." I will not celebrate meaningless milestones. There are plenty of businesses like show business. I will not re-transmit without expressed permission of Major League Baseball. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. Beans are neither fruit nor musical.Iwill not send lard through the mail. I will not use abbrev. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage. I will not dissect things unless instructed. I will not hang donuts on my person. No one wants to hear my armpits. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface. I will not strut around like I own the place. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist. I am not a lean, mean spitting machine. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things. I do not have power of attorney over first graders. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. I am not certified to remove asbestos. "Bagman" is not legitimate career choice. I will remember to take my medication. The boys room is not a water park. Nerve gas is not a toy. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism. The First Amendment does not cover burpin
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