Age: 36
Born: 5/10/55
Heighth: 6'
Weight: 261 lb
Eyes: Black
Hair: Brown
Social Security: 568-47-0008
Job: Safety Inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Salary: $382.19/wk (w/$5 bear tax)
Address: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, NT 49007
Quotes
How's education supposed to make me feel smarter?
OK, brain I dont like you, and you dont like me, but lets just get through this and I'll go back to killing you slowly with alcohol
It's not whether you win or lose, but how drunk you get
Oh yeah, drugs, gotta have drugs!
Giving up smoking is the hardest thing you will ever do boy. Here, have a dollar. Lisa: "But dad, he did nt do anything" ...Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? - Hey wait a minute, he didn't!
No TV and no beer make Homer something something... Marge: go crazy? ...Don't mind if I do!
No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people who are better
I cant live the buttoned down life like you, Marge. I want it all!
Well, kids...you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try
Remember, son. The trick to avoiding jury duty is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
My two favorite words! De-Fault! De-Fault! De-Fault!
Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Stupid TV! Be more funny!
Might I add, NO FAT CHICKS!
If it's brown, drink it down! If it's black, send it back!
Phew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a tab... *presses the "Tab" key*
Son, when you don't like your job you don't go on strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed! That's the American way!
Look! Uruguay! What the hell kind of a country is that?! Heh heh, U-R-GAY!
He didn't give you gay, did he?
Heh heh heh, the joke's on him! I'll be dead by then!