Disclaimer: This is an article found in my university newspaper and does not represent our feelings, we just wanted to post it. And I won't tell you who wrote it because bad things happened to this person after they wrote it.

Have you ever had your house vandelized, charged the young offender, and been slapped with a defamation of character suit when "Daddy" the high-priced attorney with serious connections stepped in to defend his little hoodlum's honour? It could happen to you! Or perhaps you were walking your dog along the path one quiet summer evening when C.J. and "Spanky-Nuts" boarded by, showering you and your pet with a sticky stream of sunflower seeds while cackling maniacally. It was all fun and games back in junior high, but what happens when skaters don't grow up?

I had the displeasure of watching little rascals as they waited for the second coming of Cheech and Chong late last Tuesday night. The talk was all the same, "that was some f@#%ing crazy weed man", "I was like yeah, so whatever, naaaa.... f@#% man!" Like an old Mennonite schoolhouse at recess time, the "skater chicks" sat segregated from their "dreamy and totally rebelious" male counterparts and caught up on the latest "pot-talk" as they watched the tricks from afar. An important fact to consider is that none of the skaters could actually perform... they were simply wanna-be skaters. "My Mom buys my clothes at Randy River man!" That is just so cool! So, there they were, skatin' it up at the Brandon University library, which is extremely ironic, considering the fact that only a small percentage of them will actually ever attend any institute of higher learning whatsoever.

Remember when being a "hippie" or a "punk" used to mean something? When it used to be based on political beliefs, protest, and action, all trying to make the world a better place? Something respectable and almost noble has sorrowfully been lost in the passing generation. They're not punks. They're druggy teenagers with pierced body-parts, coloured hair, hangovers, skateboards, and a serious identity crisis. Hoping your parents will get you out of trouble when you're too blitzed to make your own bed, you're twenty-one years old, and you don't remember what you all destroyed the previous night, is just not acceptable. Buying eighty-dollar jeans that make you look poor and wearing jewelry like a tail is really not that cool either. I can certainly bet that none of them know the infamous "skater chain" was actually pioneered by Manitoba farmers some fifteen years ago. But hey, when "Wack Master B" does it, it's gotta be cool, right?

So why are they here? Is it bad parenting? Is it the new way of a crippled society? Is it a lack of role models and the fault of the media? Is it the result of the human offspring from secret alien experiments? I don't know and I don't really care. I'm not a sociologist and I'm not getting paid to figure it out or solve the problem. But they're annoying, rude, disgusting, violent, pathetic, and they shouldn't be holding their "street raves" or whatever the hell they are, where students who have paid a lot of hard-earned money are trying to sleep, study, and expand on an educational and even spiritual basis. Most of us came to university to make something of our lives and get away from such a group of people. They should be in some youth detention centre, or at least some kind of skater daycare (ie. High School), but at this point in their lives, they don't deserve to be here. It's not just irritating seniors and frightening young children anymore... the whole "skater scene" is starting to get out of hand and a lot of people are getting seriously frustrated as they continue to drive customers away from businesses and spit in the face of authority.

If you want to make your living as a freak-show on the MTV Olympics, that's your dream and your choice. Hanging around and wrecking other people's lives and property with no respect for anyone, including yourself is just not a valid option anymore however. There are people who can help. Take some of your parents' money that you spend on buying weed most of the time and go see a psychiatrist. Just a word to the wise: You won't get a lot of time for skateboarding where you're headed, but you'll certainly get some of that attention you so madly crave. A whole lot of it in fact, as it's a place where they just can't resisit immature little boys who never grew up, trapped inside of grown men's bodies. Do you know what that means? (It's not a trick question... take a break from that roach of yours and think about it for a minute.) Good luck!