Everyone knows that history is boring. Well, everyone is horribly, horribly wrong. I plan on proving that with a bimonthly production I call The Educational Section, where real facts from history are presented to you. In 2 months, female facial hair throughout history.

CASTRATION THROUGHOUT HISTORY
• 2000 B.C. = The Ancient Egyptians, unhappy with the monotheistic views of Akenaton, decide to castrate and murder him so he can not spread his views after death from the land of the dead.
• 1838 B.C. = Phoenecians start castrating pigs and cooking the testacles and covering the penis with fat and oils to make a tasty teste dish called "Philon," where we get the word "philatio"
• 1777 B.C. = Lycurgus is found to be too harsh a law giver, and after he breaks one of his own laws, he is quartered before he is hung from a beam over water by his penis. His penis, amazingly, held him and he lived for 2 days after his limbs were ripped from his torso. Solon soon took his place and proclaimed himself law giver, scared of having the same fate as Lycurgus and made the laws less harsh.
• 1080 B.C. = To escape persercution, latins rip the penis off every first born son in Estrucia and begin wandering the ancient world in search for a home. They eventually end up in Rome.
• 754 B.C. = Rome declares independence from the Estrucians, cut off the genitals of, ironically named, Tarquin the Proud, and send them home to Asia Minor (Current day Turkey).
• 77 A.D. = Sparticus is slain in battle, to prove he is dead to Marcus Crassus, his head and penis is sent to him.
• 287 A.D. = Gaius Caligula has his horse/console castrated for looking at him funny.
• 1100 A.D. = Chandler the Bald has a slave perform oral sex on him. In the middle of this, however, she is startled by a knight rushing through the gates to the throne he was sitting on and bites Chandler's penis off.
• 1358 A.D. = Curci the German Vs. Heren of the Holy Roman Church, Heren loses when he catches a joust to the chest. But before this, he smashes Curchi's horse's head with a mace, sending Heren to the floor where his pelvis was impaled by a large, sharp rock.
• 1787 A.D. = The Spanish Armada attack France. The French surrender and their commander, instead of being killed, has his genitalia chopped off and eyes ripped out. The testicles were then placed in his eye sockets and his eye lids sewn shut.
• 1880ish A.D. = Adolf Hitler is born to a jew and a german, thus, he is to be circumcised. Unfortunately, his right testecle was cut off in the process.
• VISION OF THE FUTURE
• 2000 A.D. = With his term as President finally coming to an end, Bill Clinton's penis is chopped off after Hillary finds him humping the first dog, Buddy.