screw the discovery channel. learn some important life lessons of the dirty whores.

**USE YOUR BLADDER AS AN ALARM CLOCK** one fine day, as bethany tried to take a quick nap, her rapidly deteriorating mind stumbled upon an important realization. she found a way to resolve that annoying "i just laid down to go to sleep and now i have to get up and pee" feeling. if you can just be patient and fall asleep anyways, you will not oversleep because your bladder will act as an alarm clock and wake you up before you pee yourself. of course, this is not applicable for chronic bed-wetters.

**HOW TO MAKE MONEY IN COLLEGE** seeing as most college students are poor, i think that it would be beneficial for me to share one of the sucessful money making techniques of the dirty whores. first of all, try collection cups. this works best if you have a sense of humor, especially if your sense of humor is bizarre enough to make people pity you. attach a funny sign to the collection cup that lets people know what you need money for. hint: "breast implant fund" or "beer money fund" usually works well. next, hang up a graph of the earnings you collect, thanking each person who makes a donation as you add them to the chart as a nice gesture. this should get you a little money if you have some common sense.

**THE SECRET OF BLACK MARKET BABIES** in keeping with the "how to make money" theme, i recommend selling babies on the black market. for some great insights on how to snatch babies or start your own baby farm, rent PINK FLAMINGOS. carry a club with you at all times so you can whack unsuspecting people pushing strollers and nab the baby. get a job at a day care center. also, carrying lots of candy with you to lure chidren off the streets is especially helpful. stealing other people's babies eliminates the aggravation of making your own babies and selling them. once you learn the secrets of baby-snatching, the black market will be a definite financial success for you.

**CAPITALIZE YOUR ASSETS** one rainy sunday, bethany took "the ass test" at thespark.com and to her dismay, she discovered that she has not fully realized how to use her ass. apparently, an ass is more than something that sits and shits, and bethany needs to get out in the world and shake her bootay a little more often, to "gain confidence in her ass". this became the topic of discussion of the two dirty whores at the dinner table. tommy the gay flasher also revealed the secret of japanese women who have such strong asses that they can bend forks and "rocket launch" them using nothing but pure ass muscle! so, the discovery of the day: bethany needs to capitalize her ASSets.