Hick Jokes

All the following material was created by me, if it has been found elsewhere they stole it from me. So on with the hick jokes.

STATE OF ALABAMA/GEORGIA/ ANY STATE BELOW THE MASON-DIXON LINE DRIVER'S LICENSE
APPLICATION

Last name: ________________

First name:
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)

Age: ____

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know

Q: What has 99 legs & 49 teeth?
A: The people at a hick party.

Q. How can we tell that the toothbrush wasn't invented in Aurora?
A. Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush."

Q: What is the definition of a hick virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

There were this guy from Aurora named Adrain walking down the road one day till he noticed his friend across the road carrying a bag.

Adrain: "Hey Billy Joe what you got in that bag?"

Carolyn: "In this bag here I got me chickens."

Adrain: "Chickens! I sure would like chickens. I bet you if I guess how many chickens you got in that thar bag you give me one..."

Carolyn: "Sheeeeiiit Adrain if you guess how many chickens I got in this bag I'll give you *BOTH* of them"

Adrain: "uhhh...5?"

Carolyn: "Nope!"

                    39. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
                    38. Duct tape won't fix that.
                    37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
                    36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
                    35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
                    34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
                    33. You can't feed that to the dog.
                    32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
                    31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
                    30. Wrasslin's fake.
                    29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
                    28. We're vegetarians.
                    27. Do you think my hair is too big?
                    26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
                    25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
                    24. Who's Richard Petty?
                    23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
                    22. Deer heads detract from the decor.
                    21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
                    20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
                    19. Trim the fat off that steak.
                    18. Cappuccino tastes better that espresso.
                    17. The tires on that truck are too big.
                    16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.
                    15. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
                    14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
                    13. Would you like you fish poached or broiled?
                    12. My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
                    11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
                    10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
                    9. Checkmate.
                    8. She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
                    7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
                    6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
                    5. I don't have a favorite college team.
                    4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
                    3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
                    2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is --
1. Elvis who?