I just wanted to add a few things about my grandma. For the first thing this is the first death I ever had to deal with. I was so close to my gram. I called her everyday if not two or three times a day. I would take her anywhere she needed to go and bring her my leftover suppers. My whole life she has always been there in so many ways. We talked about things that you wouldn't even tell your best-friend. She was the best Grandma anyone could ever ask for. I sure miss calling her and taking my left overs to her. I feel so bad because we use to talk about what would happen if she ever passed away and my mother and I knew of her ever wishes which, we granted ever one of them. She always wanted to be cremated and I told her it was against what I wanted. but, we knew that's what she wanted so that's what was done. I always promised her I would never let her go into a nursing home and I feel so bad that I couldn't keep that promise. I really thinks she understands and knows I didn't have any other choice. I have three sons and one daughter. its kinda funny because after my three sons I always said that I wouldn't try for a girl well, after seven years I did and I got a beautiful baby girl. over this past summer my children and myself would take a walk every night and go visit gram. she was so happy that I finally got a girl. I always let my gram hold onto the baby everynight. it made her so happy. she used to talk about how she couldn't wait until Miranda (my daughter) started to walk and talk so she could jump onto her lap. shortly after my gram became very ill. I can remember when she was living with me she try feeding Miranda a big chunk of a hot dog. it was scary but, it was also funny. It was hard on all of us having my gram living with us. it was hard on my gram after living alone for so long it was quite a change. I went to the nursing home everyday to visit my gram. I always took the baby. when the boys weren't in school they always went up too. Everyday I would go to that home and take my daughter out of the stroller and set her on my grams lap and she would get the biggest smile on her face. ya know the Doctors says that they don't think she knew to much at the end but, I don't really believe them. My gram being a Jehovah Witness well she wanted a brother from her hall to do a ceremony at the kingdom Hall. well, it just so happen that he was out of state on vacation and I kept telling my gram that he was on vacation and he wouldn't be back for awhile. well, I would tell her everyday how sorry I was to have to put her in the home and how much I needed her and loved her. she would always smile. of course she couldn't talk no longer. I used to have her nod her head to me if she could hear me and if she understood what I was saying. she always nodded yes. even at the end she always nodded. when she go the pneumonia the dr. give us a choice to have her put on meds. to cure it or to just let her go on the way she was. well, being that's it was most of the time my mother and me the family thought it was more up to us to make the decision. we were all in this room together talking with the dr. and just to let you know my one sister is a nurse. well, we had to make a choice and no one wanted to speak up and say a word so of course me being the mouth of the family, and this was about my gram I spook up and said I think we should just let her be. she's going to die and theirs no cure so why prolong her misery. its what my gram would of wanted anyway. heck she was already in a home where she never wanted to be. so that was the finally decision. we put her on morphine the last couple of days. we were their all the time with her. I finally got hold of the person she wanted to do her ceremony and he said he'd do it. The next day I went to visit my gram and I was telling her how much I loved her and how I was going to miss her and so on. she knew she was dying. my family kept asking why is she holding on. what's keeping her here. well, I told them all she was waiting for this person to return from vacation so he could do her ceremony. I guess they all thought I was crazy. well that night before I left my grams bedside I went into her room and talk so long to her and cried so much because I knew by morning she'd be gone. I told her it was ok to go. I told her that this person was back and he was going to do her ceremony. I told her I loved her and would miss her dearly and walked out of the room. That was a fri. night I went home and put my kids to bed got myself ready for bed then I called up to the nursing home to check on her like I always did. they said their had been no change. I went to bed and I got a phone call about 8:20 a.m. from the nursing home to tell me that my gram had passed away. I knew my gram so well I knew that's what she was waiting for. she knew we'd do everything that she had wished for and we did. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I feel for anyone who has to go threw anything like this.I guess I've went on enough and you have your own heartbreak story.If you get any information on this disease please let me know. well thanks for taking the time to care. I don't know if you can put any kind of music to my story. but, if you can then the song" How Can I Help You Say GoodBye". by Patty Lovelace would be the song i'd pick. also i don't know if you have ever visited mrmom. web site but, it sure is a good one. I found a couple of beautiful poems there. I read one at my gram's funeral. Here's a special poem but, not the one I read.

A Million Times.

A million times we've needed you, a million times we've cried. If love alone could've saved you, You never would have died.In life we loved you dearly, In death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place, No one else will ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, But you didn't go alone. Part of us went with you, The day God took you home.

Its a beautiful poem. I hope it touched your heart as it did mine.
Thanks again for your time...
sincerely, Cathy Houghtaling


Here's a site you may also enjoy.
It's a memorial site for your loved ones.

Memorial