This page is a parody of Large Legal Sites. The name of the firm referenced is completely fabricated and It is not associated with any real law firm . Any similarly in form or name to any past, present, or future law firms which may be so named or similarly named or identified or styled, is purely coincidental. The law firm referenced here is purely fictional and this page is presented for its humor value and for entertainment purposes. This is a non-commercial site and in no way sponsors or advocates any attorney, or law firm over any other one. And, for any firms which might feel that people may confuse their real firm with this one,   perhaps your State Bar needs to know something about those ways in which you view law practice such that the views presented on this page would seem like your practices !

LUGS, IDIOT, ARTLESS, & RYPT 

(formerly part of "Dewey,Cheatham, & Howe")

                           A 25,000,000 year old Law Farm

We have 950 Sons-of-Barristers on Staff. Some are Partners and Others (the ones who are not  busy enough to be Partners) are "Of Counsel". We have about five clients at present, so you know
know we are a lean, mean, machine team.
We can help you if you are in any of the following situations :
Did someone say something about you on the Internet that hurt your feelings or did they name their domain like your name?

Did the chair you were sitting in (or the commode seat you were sitting on) break out from under you and cause you "great bodily injury"?
Did you eat too much and get sick because the food was fiendishly contrived to look so gosh darn appealing ?
Did your parents cause you to be short or near sighted because of their inferior genes?
Did someone conspire with a rainmaker to cause it to rain on your freshly washed luxury auto?
Have you been exposed and have health effects of : 1) second hand smoke 2)second hand snot
3) second hand Sinatra or anything else where you were just around someone doing something that could effect your health in any way?

If you can think of it, we can file suit on it !

WHY ARE WE UNIQUELY SUITED TO HANDLE ALL YOUR LITIGATION NEEDS?
There are several reasons you should hire us.

a) Firstly, we have 950 friggin' lawyers sitting around with nothing to do. That means, we have this vast pool of legal minds just sitting there stagnant, literally begging for something to argue about. Heck, they sit there now and argue with each other for free...just think what fine arguing we can do if you actually pay us!

b) We don't read ALL of the law, just little bits of it. Why is that good you ask? Well, if we read the specifics, we would know there are lots of good reasons that certain actions cannot be filed. By only SKIMMING statutes, we miss all those pesky limitations and bars.

c) Forty years ago, there was a paper supply company that was going out of business. We bought all the 8.5X11 inch white legal bond with 25 % rag content they had. We're talking about thousands of reams of paper! We can write letters out the wazoo for you!

d) Our office has LOTS of wood and brass finishings and really comfortable oversized office chairs just right for " impressin' ". We also bought a big load of 386 PCs and MAC cii machines, so everybody has a computer on their desk (some of them are even "networked").

e) Our male attorneys all have expensive suits and wear silk ties. We patterned ourselves after the lawyers who represented "Great Benefit Insurance Company" in the Rainmaker movie. (Personal opinion-That gosh darn Voight guy did such a bang-up job in that movie, a lawyer after my own heart..he was the real hero if you ask me).

f) We have LOADS of cool templates in our word processors which cover almost every type of tort, wrongful death,trademark infringement, libel,defamation, car accident, and much much more. This speeds up the process of us getting our demand letter out for you. We don't waste our time specifically writing up a letter based on your case.

g) We consider  ourselves handicap friendly. We installed plywood ramps to get more clients up the steps into our office. We like to say we are disabled too..we're ethically challenged <wink>!

So, get ready to gear up for some fine litigatin'. You might be surprised how much money you might have coming to you.

Just call 666-555-666S. We have underpaid phone people working 24 hours a day waiting for your call ! The scales of justice just need a little "adjusting" and we can help you by fiddlin' with the mechanism. CALL US NOW !